If you are like me and have the unfortunate opportunity to be the only female caught in the middle of locker room talk with multiple grown men, I feel you. So, here’s your helping of the goss to catch you up: A is explicitly rating girls’ appearances in our class, B is agreeing, C is quiet but looks uncomfortable and I was quiet. In retrospect, although I was furious inside, I didn’t feel safe enough to speak up and I blame myself to this day. Sound familiar?
Locker room talk has been a problem for decades, and seems to be persisting. It can take place anywhere, not just in American locker rooms, in my case it was out in the open in a cafe. Such conversations involve a ‘private’ conversation between men (traditionally), and can include boasting about who they’ve slept with, how hot some girl is and more. It usually surrounds topics that demean and objectify women.
So, what’s wrong with locker room talk?
No, it’s not just casual conversation. Casual conversation topics are things like what you had for lunch, how many reps of bicep curls you did on Saturday… the list goes on, and hell, there are thousands of ideas on Google you can access with a simple search.
Locker room talk puts women through a sexist lens, diminishing their beings to a mere walking figure of flesh. It is the creation of a man’s fantasy. You’re erasing everything else that makes someone a person, save for their appearance.
Let that sink in for a moment. How would you feel if you were that girl (or guy)? Your achievements, dreams, priorities in life and everything else are being ignored, and only your body is being taken into consideration.
More than that, by leaving such conversations be, we are essentially showing that such behaviour is okay. These small groups that participate in locker room talk are echo chambers of toxicity, that reassure each other that such thoughts and ways of viewing people are perfectly normal and acceptable. It really isn’t. This is the root of the problem that is almost impossible to eradicate. Not to mention other problems that are spurred by locker room talk, such as rape or violence.
The worst part is that this is more common than we realise, and we don’t know for sure which man or woman is looking at us as little more than body parts. Many of our trust issues and unstable relationships (romantic or platonic) are built on foundations like these. Personally, for example, I was never able to look at my classmates A, B and C the same way again.
How do we stop locker room talk?
That being said, here are some things you can do to help stop the spread. In your social circle, at least. Beyond that, there also needs to be a shift in the way we view attraction and relationships; although that shift might be a slow one.
Firstly, be fair. If you know your friend or family member does not mean harm, give them the benefit of the doubt first, it could be a severely uneducated offhand comment. Of course, the opposite might be true!
Follow that up by asking them more, in a non-aggressive way. Professionals Smith and Galbraith suggest letting them finish their remarks and sit in silence before asking questions like, “what do you mean by that?” to give them a chance to reflect on their mistake. If they understand what they said was wrong, great. The embarrassment kills the conversation, although it’s possible that they may carry on this behaviour with someone else.
Remember that you should prioritise your safety first, physically and emotionally. If you don’t feel like you’re in a safe situation to speak up about how uncomfortable you are about the topic, you shouldn’t have to.