You lose friends as you get older, that’s just part and parcel of life. As we venture into uncharted waters and navigate through adult life, our priorities shift drastically. It’s only normal that we can’t spend as much time with our friends as before when we are busy achieving our goals and putting ourselves first.
Nonetheless, as someone who loves my friends dearly, it seems sad and frightening that I’ll have to move on from people that I have spent a lifetime with. Even though life has gotten in the way of my friendships, I don’t want to lose them completely, and so I accept and embrace a new dynamic between us.
Low-maintenance friendships, as we all come to be familiar with, allow us to pick up wherever we left off, even if we have not spoken to each other in months. Our catch ups are definitely not as frequent as before, but it feels just like the old times when we meet. We don’t have to do anything extravagant; just a glass of cocktail can get us talking and laughing non-stop. And knowing how hard it is to schedule a meet up, I cherish these precious times with my friends a lot more now.
We might leave each other on read, but I know for sure that if I find myself in trouble, my best friends have my back, just like how I got theirs too. I also feel less sorry if I simply am not in the headspace to reply my friends immediately, as my friends would understand the fact that I’m putting my mental health first.
But the ingredient to any healthy, functioning relationship is mutual understanding. It’s important to know that there’s nothing wrong in wanting more in a relationship, but it all boils down to being on the same page. There are times when I find myself being disappointed with some of my close friends because I had different expectations from them, which is why I’ve decided to let go of these relationships. Nobody likes to feel desperate and clingy for someone else’s attention, me included.
To me, low maintenance doesn’t necessarily mean no expectations. I would expect my friends to respect me and my time, and have my back during times of need. And I make the effort to communicate my expectations to them so that we understand each others’ boundaries and needs. It’s all about making sure that the effort is not one-sided, and is being reciprocated fairly.
It goes without saying that there are times where I feel lonely and reminisce the days when our group of friends would do everything together. It’s something I still struggle with – depending less on others and being comfortable by myself, especially when I’m such a ‘people-centric’ person. But I’m learning and enjoying the process of being independent, as I find out more about myself everyday.
I’m thankful that I still have a group of friends that I can fall back on at the end of the day, and I hope they know that I would do everything in my power to help them, just like how I trust that they would come to my rescue too.