There are tons of guides out there on questions to ask on a first date, but they may be unhelpful since they’re so general. While I’m sure everyone has their own way of measuring compatibility or chemistry, here are some questions that can help you filter out what kind of person they are, and find someone with traits you value.
- If you’re looking for someone open-minded
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“Isn’t religion just another way of looking at the world like science?”
Watch out for how they react or think about this question. There’s no right or wrong answer, but this can help you gauge how your date thinks about issues from a different perspective. If they make an immediate judgement without thinking it through, you may not enjoy conversations with this person.
- If you’re looking for someone ambitious
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“What are your dreams/goals for the next five years?”
This may sound like a question you’d hear at a job interview, but if you’re looking for someone ambitious, you need to know if they have any goals set for themselves. You may not be happy with someone who isn’t working towards a clear goal. Further, use this question to see if your goals align with theirs, or at least somewhat complementary — if they want to backpack all over the world and you want to settle down and start a family, that may be a sign that this may not work out (at least, not without a lot of work).
- If you’re looking for someone well-read
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“Have you heard about the *insert news here*?”
You’re looking for someone who keeps up with current affairs, or at least somewhat interested in the world. Do they have opinions or thoughts on the events? Do they only consume news from certain sources? You’re not looking for a GP-esque answer a la Junior College, but what and how they think about the world.
- If you’re looking for someone with an active life
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“What do you like to do in your free time?”
Hopefully, your date answers with something other than solely Netflix — I would think that is an immediate no-no for those looking for someone with an active life. What I mean by active life is not about athletics, but about how they live their life. They can be introverted and have an interesting life full of hobbies and activities, or extroverted and have an active social life. Do you see yourself fitting into their life? Does anything they do sound interesting, or conversely, a big no-no?
- If you’re looking for someone who is able to laugh at themselves
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“What embarrasses you the most and/or what’s been your most embarrassing moment?”
Someone who can laugh at themselves is likely to be pretty funny. If that’s what you’re looking for in a partner, watch how they answer this question. Are they upset by it? Maybe this person takes themselves very seriously. What kind of situation do they bring up? Their answer may be a no-no for you if it was at someone else’s expense.
While this is not an exhaustive list, we encourage you to try to think about the purpose of asking a question, or what kind of person you are looking for. Some of these may seem like interview questions, but the first date is just that — don’t shy away from asking the tough questions to a potential partner.