As Finals Week is here to kill all of the joy there is surrounded with the end of the Fall Semester, I reminded of the crazy four-and-a-half-year journey it took to get here: the last semester of my undergraduate career. It has been filled with some heart ache, confusion, and laughter; you never know where your journey is going to lead you until it is over. I look back at my previous articles when I started writing for Her Campus; all the ones who had burnt me, the dance lessons that were much more than dance lessons, the endless love that my father had shown me even after his passing, and so much more.
When I started my journey with Her Campus, I had been in my head about a guy that I didn’t know was worth the challenge of understanding. “What Could Have Been” was an article about my past relationships; I remember sitting in my old suite venting to my suitemates about everything I had been feeling when one of them had said to write about what I had been feeling. I wrote that article in the span of an hour while watching American Horror Story; crazy, I know. I remember once it was posted, I was a little nervous to see the outcome; I never really had been one to tell my “deep, dark, secrets” before. I shared the article to Facebook, and the next morning I had woken up to see that my ex-boyfriend had liked the post, and I had a friend request from his current girlfriend. I allowed this to service as motivation to keep going, but also to remember that even when you don’t think people are going to care what you post, they really are watching your every step. The article made me feel strong again, and allowed me to clear my head in order to make a clear decision; thanks Amanda.
Let’s fast forward to now where I still have “Lingering Thoughts” that fill my head. Everyday opens the door for new adventure; take it. Even when you think you aren’t taking an opportunity, you are; you’re here in the present, a new opportunity can be something as small as learning to tie a shoe, just take it as it comes. We can only try in life, nothing is ever easy, but it is all worth the attempt. I tell myself this whenever I feel like things are not going my way. At the time I wrote that article, I was sitting in bed at midnight. I couldn’t sleep because I had been lost in my thoughts, and needed a way to get it all out. I closed out of Netflix, and opened a new Word Document. All of those thoughts that night were influenced by someone who I’ve had feelings for on and off within the last few years. All summer he had given me hope that all good things would come in time; well, surprise! I have never been scared to show anyone how I feel, but with him I had always gotten a little nervous, blushed, and would never know what to say. I still don’t know what to say to him, and I still question if he knows how I feel. This is why I say, take every opportunity, and do not be scared. Do not make the mistake of making it seem like you aren’t trying to make any attempt. That is also why I wrote “Bad at Love,” none of us are truly bad at love, we just don’t have the knowledge of what love is yet. I’m not saying I am or was in love with this guy, I am only saying that we cannot be bad at something that we do not know.
There is never a day that I don’t think about my father, as I said in “I know, I love you. I’m good.” My father was my backbone, and it would be a lie to say that it isn’t hard not having him, but I also know that he had raised me to be strong. The last week I spent with him holds a special place in my heart; although we had been in the mix of a fight, I know that he had only wanted the best for my brother and myself. All of the lessons that lie within the context of my articles come from him; some even come from other family members. I was always “daddy’s little girl growing up,” even though he is not physically here does not mean that I’m still not his little girl. I keep him close to me at all times with his finger print hanging from a necklace. Grieving is difficult, but it is about who you surround yourself with while you are grieving. I am grateful for the amazing friends and family who had supported me in every way possible during this time; my love for all of you may go unnoticed, but know that it is definitely there.
There are no secrets when it comes to my articles; if there is something that I feel is important, it is there. No, I do not mean to write about anyone in specific, it just happens; you get lost in the blank Word document, and your brain just takes control. Although this is one of the last articles I will be writing, I will always look back at all that this journey has taught me in the last year. This is not a goodbye; it is simply a see you all at graduation in May.