Have you ever found yourself in a situation with someone and wondered “what are we?” You’re “just friends” but really are more than friends and less than a relationship.
Confused? Yeah, so am I. I have been in a situationship for over a year now and I have yet to figure out what exactly it means to be in a situationship. The urban dictionary defines a situationship as “A relationship that has no label on it.. like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.” Personally, I would say that my situationship was a relationship with no label, and a lot of confusing rules. These are a few signs of being in a situationship:
Disclaimer: Every situation is different and this is based off what I experienced.
- When people ask you “are you guys together” the answer is always “we’re just friends.” Truthfully, you and everyone else knows it’s not true. Yet there’s always this internal conflict, is this what I want?
- You may have ridiculous rules set in place. Like these
- Do not sleep with my friends
- You cannot hook up with these specific people
- Be honest about everything you do.
Yet you find yourself being lied to and rules broken or just general confusion. Are we following the rules now or is it a free for all? If we’re “just friends” then why do we have rules? I found myself questioning this so many times.
- You’re hurt about something they did, yet you know you should not because you guys are not actually together which makes it sting more. You feel you should not be upset, but you are. Just know, your feelings do have value.
- One of you might decide you want to be in a relationship, but the other does not. Now listen up everyone, this is your sign to leave. Someone’s feelings will get hurt. I made the mistake of staying and hoping that he would change his mind. I would do my best to be sweet and be my best self. He fell in love with me deeper and deeper, but I was falling deeper into my hole. The amount of pain caused had me slowly falling out of love. I found myself distancing myself and then the roles changed. He wanted a relationship and I did not.
- Nothing’s ever simple. Yes there are happy moments which are so much greater than the bad moments, but the bad moments weigh heavier on your heart (I speak personally).
After over a year of a constant battle with myself and him, I ended things. I no longer wanted to be the secret. I no longer wanted to hide my feelings in public. I no longer wanted to feel the little punch in my heart when I reached for his hand, laid my head on his shoulder, went for a hug or kiss, and he would pull away annoyed. I no long wanted to always question, “What is wrong with me? Why does he not want to be with me?” I no longer wanted to witness him flirting with girls in front of me. I no longer wanted to be lied to. I wanted to be valued. I wanted to be loved in the way I loved him. Once he saw he was losing me, I got what I had wanted. At that point it was too late, I no longer wanted that. I was too hurt. I did not want to trust him again. I wanted to be alone to grow as the strong independent women I am. I did not want to be held back anymore. I learned to never let myself be undervalued. I learned that it was never my fault. You cannot force someone to see things the way you do. Once you hit that wall, love yourself and let them go. There are so many options out there and if the puzzle piece doesn’t fit, do not find new ways to fit it. I leave you with these inspirational words: https://youtu.be/2GKXMJLBJPs