Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
element5 digital MEzqoN8p6C0 unsplash?width=719&height=464&fit=crop&auto=webp
element5 digital MEzqoN8p6C0 unsplash?width=398&height=256&fit=crop&auto=webp
/ Unsplash
Wellness > Sex + Relationships

Why it’s Harder to Get Over an Unofficial Relationship

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Murray State chapter.

On the sixth day, God created Man. And on the seventh day, when God was at rest, Satan created boys who talk to multiple girls, leave you on read and play mind games until they know what they want.


Moral of the Story: Men are Idiots.

image via Brooke Cagle

At the beginning of this year, I talked to a guy from my college. I wasn’t expecting much to happen with him, considering he would be graduating in just a few months, but the amount of time that we spent together, the number of times he drunk called me and the little arguments that we had made it look and feel like we were a couple. Hell, he even “accidentally” called me his girlfriend. But, as things started to become more serious, he slowly backed away until he was gone completely. And what hurt the most was knowing that he read all of my messages, watched all of my Snapchat stories and never reached out to me once. I had been ghosted.


The worst part for me was that it was easier to get over my ex boyfriend than him. To this day, I still sit here and wonder what would have happened had everything worked out. Would we have stayed together? Would we survive long distance? Who knows. We live in a society where we are reliant on social media and text messages to save us from awkward confrontations with those we don’t want to romantically involve ourselves with anymore. Our society refuses to communicate and yet we wonder why the divorce rate continues to rise.


So, why is it harder to get over a relationship that never really began as opposed to one that was once Facebook official?


Here’s Some Ideas:


1.) He just ghosted you.

If you ask almost anyone why their unofficial relationship fell apart, most of them will tell you that they’ve been ghosted. Urban Dictionary states that ghosting is the process of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly, and without explanation, withdrawing from all communication. According to an article from Bustle, out of 850 users who completed this survey on PlentyOfFish, 738 of them had been ghosted. That’s 86.8%. And the worst part about ghosting is that you don’t know if it’s something you said, something you did, if they found someone else or if it honestly was out of your control.


2.) It wasn’t a Mutual Understanding

When people do communicate with you, it doesn’t mean you aren’t hurt any less, regardless of whether you saw it coming, or not. It was one sided and one person still has feelings while the other person is over it.


3.) The What If Element

You spend so many hours talking to this person through social media, phone calls, text messages and face to face confrontations almost all day, every day. What people don’t think about after breaking off an unofficial relationship is the fact that they made an impact on someone’s life who still pictures them in it. I’ve had guys talk to me about where I want to go after college to what I like to make for breakfast in the morning to how many kids I want to have. And until I get over this guy, I’m going to wonder what my life would be like if they were still in it.


4.) Not everyone knows

When I first start flirting with a guy, I only mention him to my close friends, and a few members of my family. Everyone else is blind to the fact that I’m talking to someone. But, when things are cut short and I just want to vent to the first person I see, I know that I can’t. I mean, I can, but reliving the moments that you had with someone you thought you could be long term with to someone else is pretty close to heartbreaking. It’s like you guys weren’t a thing because it wasn’t published everywhere, so you have to go through the “break up” alone.


5.) Social Media SUCKS

When two people break up, majority of the time, they remain friends on social media. Out of my 4 ex boyfriends, I am still friends with 3 of them on Instagram & Facebook, and remain friends with all 4 of them on Snapchat. According to an article on YourTango, an estimated 74% of people “stalk” their ex on the internet or social media websites after a break up. I know I’m guilty of this, especially when you’re looking back on someone you used to talk to and seeing how happy they are without you in their life. Do yourself a favor and unfriend anyone you’ve ever had romantic involvement with. It’ll save you the extra heartbreak and struggle for sure.


image via Nik MacMillan

At the end of the day, whether a relationship lasted for years or was just a summer fling, a break up is a break up. Know that you are not alone, know that you have so many people on your side and realize that there is a reason behind why your relationship didn’t work out. And don’t jump into a new relationship because you’re lonely or still recovering from a previous one. If you keep looking for Mr. Right, you’re gonna keep dating Mr. Wrongs. The RIGHT guy will find you at the RIGHT time.


thumbnail image via Yoann Boyer

Michaela Molnar

Murray State '20

Michaela is a Senior Elementary Education major at Murray State University. She’s a Sagittarius, Enneagram type 7, the future owner of a pug named Porkchop & her favorite color is yellow. She has aspirations to teach in the city & plans to finish writing her first book by the end of this year. A fun fact about Michaela is that she has sung on stage with Foreigner.