When you’re nineteen and have never been in a relationship, people have a lot of similar reactions. “Really?” They’re shocked. “But, you’re so pretty!” As if it was that easy. “Are you picky?” Selective, yes, but it’s not to an extreme extent. “Have you ever kissed anyone?” I’ve been on a lot of dates, I’ve been through a lot of talking stages, but I haven’t been in a relationship. It isn’t like I haven’t tried. Believe me, I’ve tried. Ever since I was sixteen, it’s fair to say I’ve always been ‘talking’ to someone. It’s just never gone further than that. It’s hard to watch some people flow seemingly effortlessly in and out of relationships, one right after the other. I’m amazed. They really need to share their secrets with those of us who aren’t as talented.
When you’re nineteen and have never been in a relationship, it makes you feel a lot of different ways. You feel like you’re constantly missing out on something, even if you don’t particularly want a relationship at the time. But what if? What kinds of experiences does it bring? Even if it’s not good all the time, what do the good times feel like? Does it bring more security than the ‘talking’ stage? What is it like for someone to confirm their feelings for you in that way? You try to give relationship advice to someone who is struggling, and they snap at you, “What do you know? You’ve never been in a relationship.” Yeah, you’re right, I haven’t. You feel like there’s something wrong with you, like you are unworthy of that next step. You constantly try to wrap your head around what you’re doing wrong, what you’re missing. To be fair, you are the common factor in all of your failed attempts. Am I not pretty enough? Not kind enough? Not affectionate enough? These thoughts manage to creep their way in. It’s hard to get an honest answer as to why someone decided to end things, especially when they chose to end it by ghosting you.
(Photo by kevin laminto on Unsplash)
When you’re nineteen and have never been in a relationship, you blame yourself when it’s not always the case. You learn other people can be at fault, too. Communication is a two-way street. But, for instance, consider all the right elements are there. While everything could be going well, an outstanding circumstance will be in the way. “Right person, wrong time,” or something like that. I hardly believe in it, however. I think if all parties wanted it to work out, despite having to put in extraneous effort, you could make it work. Or maybe I’m just a hopeful romantic. I’m not a mean-spirited, bitter person, though. I understand some circumstances are not easily overcome, but a valid effort is always worth a shot.
When you’re nineteen and have never been in a relationship, you gain a lot of relationship experience, even if it’s not based on an actual relationship. While I cannot count my previous ‘talking’ stages as relationships, I did learn something valuable from every experience. I know traits and qualities which I prefer and some I could do without. None of my ‘talking’ flings were very long term, though, so I like to think of it as having a free trial run of everyone in a short amount of time. All of them have been very different from each other, and I value the knowledge I’ve gained because of them, even if I learned it by getting hurt. You learn a lot about yourself and the way you handle different situations, both negative and positive. The positive ones only get more exciting, and the negative ones only get easier to handle.
But, what do I know about any of this? I’ve never been in a relationship.