Disclaimer: This is a story about my own experience. If you are experiencing hair loss, it’s a good idea to meet with your doctor to ensure that it is not due to an underlying health condition.
I had always had thick, wavy/curly hair that took forever to straighten. Because of this, I thought that I couldn’t possibly go bald. I figured my hair would start thinning after I hit menopause, but that I would never experience balding. I was wrong.
About a year ago, I started reading up on the curly girl method and ways to have healthier hair. I switched from using hair mousse to using gel. The gel defined my curls better without being crunchy. I also bought sulfate and silicone free shampoo and conditioner and washed my hair less. This led to more hydrated, defined, and bouncy curls. I was loving my new routine, until I realized how much hair I was losing in the shower.
Hair sheds. It’s normal to lose hair in the shower. But I was losing a significant amount. No one wants to lose their hair. I didn’t want to, so I tried to explain away the hair loss. I thought it was from washing my hair less often. It makes sense to have more hair fall on wash day if you wash every three to four days as opposed to every other day. But when I divided the hair amount between the three or four days, each clump was larger than usual.
After a few weeks of significant hair shedding, I searched the Internet for answers. Basically, hair loss can be caused by anything. Most articles recommended seeing a doctor, but I was three hours away at school. I didn’t have time to come home during the week to see the doctor. I diagnosed my hair loss as being from my change in hair products because my hair fall seemed to have increased after that. I swapped my shampoo and conditioner lines and brands every time I needed another bottle. I also bought a deep conditioner and a clarifying shampoo. While these additions improved my hair routine, they did nothing to slow the shedding. Assuming that the problem must be the gel, I bought a softer holding gel. Then I tried a curl cream when my hair thinning didn’t improve. I was desperate, but I still didn’t go to the doctor. This was mostly because every time I told my family or friends about my hair loss, they assumed it was stress. I did have a busy semester. I was twenty years old. I couldn’t be experiencing hair loss.
The fall semester turned into the spring, which was even busier. Instead of obsessing about my thinning hair, I ignored it. If I thought about my hair, then I would be more stressed which couldn’t be good for my hair loss problem. Although I tried to ignore it, I could see the effects of hair loss. My ponytails were thinner, and I had to be careful about how I pulled my hair back otherwise my scalp would be showing on the sides of my head.
When the summer rolled around, my hair fall in the shower seemed to return to normal. I took this as a sign that it was all just stress and that everything would grow back normal. Then the fall semester hit. My hair wasn’t growing back. I was losing hair by my temples. I tried vitamin E supplements and read up on the signs of too much vitamin E to make sure that I wasn’t overdoing it. After a week, I discovered that the vitamin E was making me groggy, so I stopped taking them. That was the moment I gave up.
Nothing was working. I forced myself to accept that I was balding early. I decided that I would wear hats while my hair thinning could still be hidden, and when it was too obvious, I would shave my head. What was the point of holding on to small clumps of hair if large portions of my scalp were showing? I tortured myself with the idea that I might not have any hair for my wedding. When I wasn’t torturing myself about it, I was trying to convince myself that I would look great bald or that wearing wigs would be fun. It was exhausting.
Desperate for answers and also experiencing frequent lightheadedness, I finally went to the doctor to rule out underlying health conditions. I’m currently waiting on my thyroid results.
Dealing with thinning hair is difficult. It’s hard to not be jealous of other peoples’ hair. It’s hard to look in the mirror when you’re afraid of seeing less hair than you did yesterday. It’s hard to be confident. But losing your hair doesn’t mean you’re going completely bald. There are tons of products that help with thinning hair and hair loss. Some forms of hair loss are treatable. And even if your type of hair loss won’t grow back and is difficult or too expensive to prevent, you don’t need hair to be beautiful.
Society convinces women that our hair is one of our most important features, that it defines us as women, and that we aren’t attractive without it. This isn’t true. Bald women can be just as feminine as women with very long hair. Bald women in sweatpants and t-shirts can be just as attractive as women sporting ponytails. Women with thin hair can be just as beautiful as women with thick hair. At the end of the day, it’s just hair. You’re beautiful with and without it.