I could hide my stomach, I could put makeup over my acne, but I could never change the shape of my nose and the way it looked from the side. All the contouring in the world could make it appear skinnier, sure, but nothing could ever fix the bump down the center. I never let anyone take candid pictures from the side as seeing them would only deepen my insecurity. Piercings only drew attention to my nose, although, for more positive reasons than I believed everyone was staring at my nose for.
Being a teenager is already hard enough, the last thing an insecure teen needs is the media perpetually throwing images of idealistic beauty standards at them. All over Hollywood are perfectly button noses and speculations of nose jobs. Even the tiniest change can make the biggest difference when it’s the center of your face. Front and center, it felt like my nose entered the room before I did. Or at least, that’s how I pictured it. See, I was never outwardly picked on for my nose. It was an insecurity I grew to have solely on my own. Internalization of beauty standards set by mass media is very common in easily-influenced adolescents.
For years, I planned how I would fund the eventual procedure. Dedicating too much time to this idea, I researched countless methods, doctors, and prices for how I could someday go under the knife. Would I have to wait to have a high enough paying job? Would insurance cover it? Maybe I could ask for a nose job for a graduation present. How do I even go about asking my parents for plastic surgery? Being sixteen and already planning out my life in order to revolve around a nose job is sadly a reality for too many insecure teenagers in our society. But, when plastic surgery seems to be a means to an end of this devastating insecurity, you become desperate for the ending. With progress, my desire for a nose job evolved from a surgical procedure to what is known as a non-surgical nose job, where a filler is placed just above the bump to smooth the transition. This allowed me to be more comfortable with the idea of still having a longer nose, just without the bump. Over time, the feeling of plastic surgery as a need has dwindled due to overall security with myself that comes with growing older and maturing.
(Photo by Allison Hine)
While I cannot 100% guarantee that I love my nose every second of every day, I have learned to accept that it is part of who I am. The nose bump shows heritage, as all of my siblings and I have inherited a nose bump from our mom’s side of the family. It unites us as a similarity to show our relation. Since I was very young, I was always told I looked just like my mom. Part of me fears that, if I were to undergo a procedure, I would lose a crucial part that resemblance. It is in proportion with the rest of my face, multiple times have my friends told me a small, petite button-nose would not line up with my facial dimensions. In certain angles, the bump creates what I lovingly call the “twisty slide” effect in my ski-slope of a nose. Top comes in, bump protrudes, middle comes in and slopes into the slightly upward tip. It’s fun and unique, something I like to play with when it comes to lighting and angles in photos.
Body positivity comes in all degrees. To me, body positivity does not only mean completely loving every inch of yourself at all times. It’s when you begin to accept the parts of your society tried to shame and when you feel comfortable enough to embrace who you are, unapologetically. Whether it’s through makeup, plastic surgery, or years of faking confidence, body positivity takes on multiple forms. There is no ‘right’ way to be body positive. So, embrace whatever you believe is a flaw because there will always be someone who sees it as your most beautiful trait.