“Beta, can you fix my Wi-Fi?”
Ah yes, because my Computer Science degree clearly comes with a built-in screwdriver and a hotline to the internet gods. Let me just channel my inner IT magician and summon the sacred connection while simultaneously debugging my own life. You think I’m some Silicon Valley-trained tech wizard here to revive your router and recover your lost Gmail password? Hate to disappoint, but I’m just out here struggling to wake up before my third alarm and debating if breakfast is worth the effort.
So, let’s clear this up before your brain short-circuits: I’m a Computer Science Engineering (CSE) student, not some all-knowing tech oracle descended from the cloud (no, not that one, you AWS fanboy). Yet somehow, in a country obsessed with JEE ranks and “software engineer = genius” clichés, I’m the default savior for every router that blinks like it’s possessed. Spoiler: I’m not. So, let’s dismantle these absurd misconceptions—like how I’m supposedly a Wi-Fi exorcist or a screwdriver-wielding vigilante—while I sip my filter coffee and pray that my results aren’t a disappointment like every year’s cultural fest—Oneiros.
“You Study Computers, So You’re Basically a Hacker, Right?”
Oh, please. I’m not sitting in a dimly lit hostel dorm, wearing a black hoodie, cracking into the dark web to steal your Hinge match history. The idea that every CSE student is a cybercriminal mastermind is dumber than those ‘digital arrest’ scams popping up on WhatsApp. Sure, I know what a phishing attack looks like (thanks to 3 AM Google spirals when I question my life choices), but I’m not out here pulling a “now tell me the OTP, please” scam on your grandma. The only thing I’m hacking is my midnight cravings—frantically asking ChatGPT if one more Subway splurge at 1 AM counts as self-care or self-sabotage. So no, I won’t “hack something real quick.” I’m not a script kiddie; I’m just trying to pass my DSA exam without losing my sanity.
“Wi-Fi’s Down—Fix It, You’re the Tech Guy!”
Wi-Fi’s down, huh? Brilliant. Let me just whip out my degree in “Router Whispering 101” from the University of Absolutely Nowhere. The assumption that I can fix your Airtel Xstream Fiber because I study CSE is more laughable than the excuses politicians gave during the recent Delhi smog crisis. I don’t spend my days sniffing packets like a tech snob; I’m wrestling with algorithms that make my brain bleed. When the green light turns red, I’m as clueless as you—my fix is unplugging it and muttering “please work” like a desperate prayer. Call your ISP; I’m busy debugging my existence.
“You Can Fix My Laptop, Printer, and That One Nokia 1200 That’s More Useless Than a Paperweight, Right?”
Here’s a scalding-hot take: CSE students aren’t your personal roadside tech mechanics. Everyone assumes we’re walking service centers because “you know computers.” That’s like saying a chef should fix your gas stove because they cook biryani. I’m an engineer, not a repairman. My expertise is building systems, not popping open your Lenovo like I’m performing open-heart surgery. I don’t wander around with a toolkit itching to fix your printer that jams more than Mumbai traffic. The closest I’ve come to “fixing” anything is smacking my laptop during a Teams call. It didn’t work, much like the government’s promises during the RG Kar protests.
“So You Just Build Computers All Day?”
Let me break this down in terms even your great-great-grandma’s Nokia 1200 would understand: no, I don’t build computers. I’m not soldering motherboards in my dorm or whispering sweet nothings to a GPU while my hostel warden yells about possessing a hair dryer. That’s hardware engineering—different beast, different feast. I deal with software—at least that’s what I think. We’re not crafting PCs from scratch. We use computers to innovate, not play electrician. So no, I didn’t “make” the laptop I’m typing this on—I just know how to make it do cool stuff… theoretically.
The Screwdriver Stereotype Needs to Be Buried Six Feet Under
Imagine this: a CSE student strutting through campus, screwdriver in one hand, soldering iron in the other, ready to dismantle every device like it’s a personal vendetta. Yeah, that’s not a thing—it’s more fictional than the “development” promised in every election manifesto. I don’t even own a screwdriver! Yet people think we’re all gadget-obsessed lunatics who can’t resist a broken printer. I’m not saying I wouldn’t try to fix something if pushed, but my toolkit is more but my toolkit is more “Google search bar” than “local hardware shop.”
We’re Engineers, Not Your Tech Support Puppets
At the end of the day, being a CSE student means I’m trying to build a future, not fix your past tech sins—or your present ones, for that matter. I’m more likely to write code that solves my mental problems than channel my inner roadside mechanic for your Wi-Fi tantrums. So next time your laptop dies or your smart tv decides to rebel, don’t look at me like I’m the answer to all your prayers. I’m just a student surviving on Maggi, filter coffee, and stress—not a Dumbledore with a screwdriver as his wand, granting miracles.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a “503 Service Unavailable” error in my soul to deal with.
And, no! I can’t fix your router!
If you think this was relatable (or just a much-needed roast), there’s plenty more where that came from at my corner at Her Campus at MUJ!