Relationships can be messy and annoying. Or so it seems from a single’s perspective. Couples seem to be everywhere on a college campus, from cafes and benches to all the hidden spots. The weird pet names, awkward public displays of affection, and absurd clinginess sometimes seem too much to look at.
Even during Covid, the distance didn’t seem to be an obstacle for many, and people formed romantic connections without ever meeting. As a person who has never been in a relationship, these are my observations, i.e., relationships through a single’s lens.
Firstly, let’s talk about PDA. It can be fun to watch couples clumsily French. And sometimes they are cute, ngl, and make people involuntarily respond with awws. It might look like the campus police is making me write this but, the constant touching, grabbing, and kissing, often in broad daylight can be a bit much. These couples don’t seem to have any sort of self-control, further don’t seem to have common decency or consciousness of their environment. Calling each other cringy pet names also can truly be a gross, shudder-worthy experience for others.
One thing I’ve noticed is that many people in relationships, tend to lose their individual identities. They seem to morph into one, so it becomes unnatural to say one of their names without calling their significant others’. They do every single thing together, study, shop, eat, gym, sleep, and live. They don’t even use the word ‘me’ anymore, just ‘we’, and people don’t care about their pronouns either, just calling them ‘they/them’. The phrase “joined at the hip” encapsulates them perfectly.
This causes them to distance themselves from their friends as well. They prefer spending the whole day with their partners. It seems perplexing how someone can spend such long amounts of time together and not feel claustrophobic, and forget to take out time for themselves.
There is also an abundance of toxic relations. All of them stem from deep insecurities, which makes the need for therapy so coherent. Being deeply jealous, insecure, wanting validation all the time, controlling and hostile behaviour, and clinginess all are negative signs in a relationship, which should be worked upon rather than forgiven. a large proportion of people feel the need to forgive and forget, and also let sexist behaviour slip by in a daze of romance. On top of that it was in college, that I discovered that cheating is so exceedingly common. It truly shocks me how disloyal and spineless some people can be.
In spite of all these factors, some relationships are very warm, bright, uplifting, and positive, and make me believe in love.
In conclusion, relationships can be messy and annoying. I think as an inexperienced person, I have had plenty of time to observe and understand relations in a way people in relationships cannot. So my advice for people in relationships is- Try to:
- Be more independent. Doing certain things alone is great for one’s mental health, helps one not become overly dependent on someone, have a self-identity, have a sense of autonomy, and build a healthy, functioning relationship.
- Be aware of your environment. Start catching social cues, and stop making people uncomfortable, embarrassed, or grossed out.
- Be conscious of your partner’s behaviour. Don’t let the love blind you and sway your morals.
- Introspect and work on your toxic behaviours and insecurities. May it be jealousy, co-dependence, attachment issues, actively try to figure out and work on your reactions.