When people talk about self-love, most of the time it comes down to boundaries. We were hurt because we couldn’t set them. And at the end of the day, you can’t blame others for treating you like shit when you were the one who gave them the access to do that in the first place. That’s just how life works. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It solves nothing.
Setting boundaries is important, very important. And yes, it will definitely piss off a lot of people. But honestly, that’s the best part. It removes the ones who were coming close only for their benefit.
If someone genuinely wants to be in your life, talk to you, spend time with you, they’ll respect your boundaries. They won’t cross them because they actually care. They have nothing to “gain” from violating them. That alone solves half your problems.
Setting boundaries includes a lot of things, and the first one is saying no.
You have to understand the importance of “no.”
You can’t grab every opportunity that crosses your path just because it’s there. Some of them aren’t worth your energy or your emotional investment. Sometimes saying yes to something small and pointless blocks you from the opportunity that could’ve truly changed things for you.
And yes, saying no applies to people too. A lot of people feel guilty saying it because they think it will hurt someone, make them look rude, or push others away. But honestly, does it even matter if someone only stays in your life for their own benefit? Not because they like you, not because they enjoy your presence, but because you’re useful to them?
What’s the point of keeping people like that? They make no sense in the long run… even in the short run.
Your “no” won’t hurt the right people. That’s the whole point.
Boundaries will filter out the wrong ones and pull you closer to the people who are genuinely meant to stay.
For a basic example, saying no to a party or a casual hangout is not a crime if you have something important to do or even if you simply want to spend time with yourself. But so many people still say yes just to avoid seeming rude, or just so someone won’t “slip away.” That’s bullshit.
There are so many times when people use you only because you never set boundaries. And yeah, setting them will push a few people away. You might feel like you’re being rude or “losing friends,” but really, you’re just avoiding unnecessary drama.
But also let’s be real, kindness matters. If someone genuinely needs help and doesn’t know what to do, and it’s just a 10-minute thing, saying no because you had “important work” is rude.
Please be KIND. You never know how much a single word, a small gesture, or a bit of patience can change someone’s day. Maybe they were about to break down. Maybe you stopped them from hating themselves a little more. Maybe you saved their moment. Maybe you gave them the power and confidence to walk out there. Kindness is powerful.
It’s nice to be someone who makes others feel at ease but start with yourself first.
Be kind to you. Let them call you rude for choosing yourself. Let them villainise you. It’s easy to paint someone as the villain. What’s hard is understanding, letting go, and acting in a way that you’ll look back on with pride.
For more, follow up on Avni Singh | Her Campus and Her Campus at MUJ.