If you ever want to track someone’s emotional development, forget therapy—just ask them to list all their crushes. From fictional men in hoodies to real-life disasters, my romantic timeline is one long cautionary tale. Welcome to my era chart, based entirely on questionable taste, poor decisions, and “what the hell was I thinking” moments.
🧚♀️ Era 1: The Aladdin Awakening
My very first crush? Aladdin. Yes, the Disney one. Man had no money, no job, just a flying carpet and ✨vibes✨—and I was hooked. Something about that street-rat charm and emotionally unavailable energy really set the tone for my future love life. Should’ve been a red flag. But nope, I thought, “He stole bread for a reason.”
Nah sis, he’s just broke. But 10-year-old me was swooning.
👧🏽 Era 2: The Girls’ School Gap + The Bollywood Embarrassment
I spent my teenage years in an all-girls convent school, so IRL crushes were about as real as our sex education classes (read: non-existent). The only romantic excitement? Bollywood heroes. And not the classy ones—I’m talking about embarrassing posters-under-the-pillow level obsession with actors I now can’t even say out loud. Cringed so hard it could snap your spine.
But I kept it low-key, because even at 14, I had a reputation to protect (and zero boys around to ruin it).
🕵️♂️ Era 3: The Hacker in My Heart
Then came Duskwood. A murder mystery mobile game that introduced me to the most mysterious, faceless man alive: hoodie-wearing, messy-haired, blue eyes, 6-foot fictional hacker…… and—chef’s kiss—that Guy Fawkes anonymous mask..
No picture. Just ✨vibes✨ again.
I was so down bad that I wrote fanfictions about him on Tumblr and Wattpad. Yes.
But Tumblr gave me real internet friends, so technically, he gave me my first internet family too. A fictional hacker was my gateway drug to online friendships and fangirl moments. Zero regrets.
🎤 Era 4: The BTS Obsession (aka Peak Delulu Phase)
COVID hit. BTS hit harder. I was 16, impressionable, and then bam—I saw them give a speech at the UN, and I swear to God, I felt like the universe paused. How can seven people be that beautiful?
Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook? Literal angel-human hybrids. Their jawlines alone could solve global warming. I learnt to sketch just to draw them. It was more than a crush. It was a religion.
My phone wallpaper? BTS.
My personality? BTS.
My standards for men? Absolutely ruined.
🧑🎓 Era 5: The College Delulu Debut
“I’m not here for boys. I’m here to study,” I said. HAHAHAHA.
Then I saw this cute (ish?) guy with a geeky smile, and I fell hard.
Delulu mode: activated. I even planned to propose on Propose Day. 🤡
Turns out, Mr. Geeky Smile was a full-time playboy and part-time recruiter—for other girls. Man asked me to set him up with my friends.
Bye self-respect. It was nice knowing you.
🩸Era 6: The Self-Proclaimed Novelist
Ah, the romantic setting of a blood donation camp—where people usually give blood, but this guy? He gave me a migraine.
So, there I was, doing my good deed for society, when this senior spots me and instantly decides I’m the Juliet to his self-obsessed Romeo. We exchanged Instas (my first red flag), and boom—texts galore. “Princess,” movie quotes, delulu energy… you name it. Eventually, he begged me into agreeing to a date—and stood me up.
Yes, stood me up. As if he was Beyoncé and I was lucky to be ghosted by him.
But did the texting stop? Of course not! The man was relentless. Fast forward to Valentine’s Day—freshly heartbroken from another disaster, my brain had clearly left the chat, and I said yes to hanging out again. BIG mistake. The “date”? Just him bragging about his zero-sales novel, fake MMA dreams, and dropping movie quotes like he was auditioning for a role no one asked for. I left with secondhand embarrassment and blocked memory.
Moral of the story? Never trust a man who compares you to a Disney character in the first 10 texts.
😬 Era 7: The Relationship I Entered Out of Guilt
My mom introduced me to this guy. She said, “He’s just a poor, hard-working boy. Help him with his studies.” I said, okay.
Next thing I know, I’m trauma-bonded into a relationship. I dated a guy introduced to me by… my mom. Yeah. We didn’t even meet in person. He emotionally blackmailed me, claimed to be suicidal, and guilt-tripped me into dating him. So it started with emotional blackmail and ended with me being a therapist to a guy who had the emotional maturity of a doorknob.
Red flags? He had a typical Ekta Kapoor serial backstory and talked like a rejected reality show contestant, and dude……he still blamed me for ruining his mental health when I left. Like Sir……..? I’m the one who needs therapy now.
🍽️ Era 8: The Mess Hall Crush That Graduated on Me
Second year hit. I was bored and crush-deprived. So I flirted with a cute stranger at the mess. He looked like a walking Pinterest board.
He smiled back. I thought fate had arrived.
Plot twist? He was in his 4th year. Graduated before I even got his number.
Love story lasted 4 minutes and a plate of Maggi.
📱 Era 9: Hinge, Hope, and Heartbreak (Again)
I was bored. So I did what any chaotic romantic would: downloaded Hinge.
Then came the guy.
We met on Hinge. Vibed instantly. We had everything in common: music taste, movie opinions, food preferences, and even trauma—he felt like the one. It felt perfect. Too perfect.
But we weren’t in a relationship. And suddenly one day, he hits me with the classic:
“What are we?”
I said, “Maybe… getting to know each other?”
POOF. He vanished. Blocked me from everything.
Like sir, you knew I didn’t live in your city. Why even start?
The audacity. The male ego. The sheer drama.
Also? Who gets BLOCKED by guys?! I thought we were the petty ones. Sir, if you’re reading this, you owe me tissues and closure.
😵💫 Era 10: The Persistent Junior
Currently starring in: My Cringe Situationship: The Junior Chronicles.
This guy hits on me every single day.
Likes all my stories. Replies with “cutiee” emojis. Keeps asking to meet every weekend like we’re in a Wattpad romcom. After rejecting him 749 times, he still says, “You’re the 5’4 baddie I need… the missing piece of my puzzle.”
Sir, if I’m a puzzle piece, I hope you lose me under your bed and forget I ever existed.
🎭 Bonus Round: 11th Grade Creepers
Oh, and before I forget—two rando boys from 11th grade.
One of them was my online classmate, the creepiest person I have ever known. He even stalked me after I left the tuition, calling me from random numbers even after I blocked him. Ugh, such a nightmare.
The other one was my best friend’s cousin who collected my photos from when I was in sixth grade and claimed he’d loved me for five years.
FBI, open up.
🧠 Conclusion: I Am the Problem. And Also the Main Character.
Now that I’ve looked back on this hot mess of a timeline, I have realised that I always manage to carefully select the exact wrong person.
Every time.
Don’t be so hard on yourself for not finding love; maybe your soulmate is already dead.
I’m sorry.
And here’s the sad, hilarious truth:
I don’t fall for men—I fall for potential.
And it bites me in the ass. Every. Single. Time.
But hey, at least I got stories. And content. And a Her Campus article that might save someone else’s brain cells.
Right now, I’m single, delulu, and emotionally healing like a true Gen Z icon.
Do I still want a guy to hug me and tell me I’m his forever girl? Absolutely.
Will I probably fall for the next red-flag-wrapped-in-good-texting-skills boy I meet? Also, yes.
But until then, I’m choosing peace, glow-ups, and eating my dinner in bed.
And if (read: when) another man breaks my heart, I’ll be back with another spicy story on my profile and Her Campus at MUJ.
Because love may fail me, but content never does.
Stay tuned. 💅