It is no surprise that the year 2020 has been exhausting, to say the least. Starting off with natural calamities, systematic racism and to top it all off, a global pandemic.
For me, being at college was the perfect escape from my toxic family dynamic. Not only was I forced to stay at home due to the nationwide lockdown, I also contracted the virus about 4 months ago. It seemed unreal, it seemed like such a foreign concept, something that could never happen to me.
I’ve always been the kind of person who couldn’t stay alone, I always needed to be around people. Be it my sister, my friends or just my pets. So being locked up in a room for 14 days was very nerve wracking. Around the second day came the feelings of alienation, self doubt and existential dread. “should I have been more careful?” “will I get better?” “does it matter if I get better”
Day in day out, I was on strict monitoring by a doctor. Record my vitals first thing in the morning, taking my meds thrice a day. Soon I stopped recognizing myself in the mirror, I had detached myself from reality in an attempt to make sense of my situation. My sunken eyes, hollowed cheeks and pale skin tone, I looked almost lifeless. Insomnia, loss of appetite and seasonal depression hit around the fourth day of being diagnosed.
Although I wasn’t as physically impacted by COVID-19 in the same severity as some other people were, it took a huge mental toll on me. Even after I was cured and tested negative, the feelings of guilt and anxiety didn’t go away. I was overusing the sanitizer, so much that my hands had started to dry out. I was terrified of taking of my mask in front of others, even if it was just the two of us.
After almost 5 months of being recovered, I’m still shaken up by the emotions I had when I was sick.
Please wear your masks, stay home, stay safe and if you or someone you know is suffering from the virus, I wish you a speedy recovery!