In today’s digital age, technology has impacted our daily lives from the clothes we wear to the food ordered, exercise routine, and of course the social interaction we have with others. While it’s made our lives more convenient, the depressing truth is that digital land has dismantled the societal connection with the outside world. Finding the right partner has become no exception, with dating apps changing the way individuals view others, and themselves. Recently, author Nancy Jo teamed up with the HBO network to create the documentary Swiped: Hooking up in the Digital Age, and many of the revelations about online dating were extremely disturbing. The film follows the lives of over twenty individuals from teens to late thirties, as they explore the benefits and consequences that come with electronic “relationships”.
Each of their stories is unique but inevitably leads to the same message. Finding the one is becoming merely impossible. In addition, the founders of Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge make an appearance to explain the purpose of their apps, and discuss how they’ve assisted in revolutionizing dating. Yes, communicating with your crush no longer requires awkward coffee shop stalking, or praying that they will scribble down their number on a piece of paper. However, social media has a tendency to create different stories that don’t reflect the true characteristics of the person. This ultimately leads to a major question presented by the documentary: Does dating even exist anymore?
Social media romance continues to generate negative stigmas, especially from the older generation who have discovered love in traditional settings. Despite this, millions of people in America use dating apps every day in hopes of finding that special someone to fill the void in their lives. Based on a survey conducted in 2017 by Statista.com, 84% of the online dating community use apps to search for romance.
The issue isn’t so much creating matches, but rather the person and the intention behind the match. Swiped looks like that problem through both an emotional and psychological perspective, while slowly breaking down the barrier behind the glass screen. In the first fifteen minutes of the documentary, the viewers are introduced to a college-age student named Cheyenne. On the outside, she has a very bubbly personality and seems to enjoy spending time with her friends by the lake. As her story progresses, it becomes clear that like many people, she has anxiety when using Tinder. She explains in the film after practicing a YouTube makeup tutorial, “I’m very aware of the sort of pressure, and the need to be manicured and beautiful, and have like a uniformed Instagram feed that people will want to follow and pay attention to. I’m constantly haunted by FOMO. I can easily fall into rabbit holes where I will spend hours just scrolling through blogs that have these pictures of beautiful, beautiful women that I’m never gonna be, and these houses and clothes and vacations that I’m never gonna have” .
One of the major complications that come with any dating app is that it’s mostly face based. The rule of “don’t judge a book by its cover” is completely ignored, as looks become the center focus. Cheyenne’s quote is all too true. It’s becoming a digital beauty contest. In fact, the scene before Cheyenne’s displays a group of fraternity members discussing the selection process for finding the person girl, with looks becoming the central focus. This not only demonstrates how social media is physically and mentally harming young women/men but also how the digital dating world is a massive trophy shelf of accomplishments.
Another imperative issue that is brought up in Swiped is dating and a lack of racial diversity. According to the article, 7 Surprising Online Dating Race Statistics, African American men and women receive the least amount of likes and/or swipes on dating websites. Several of the African American students in the film made it a point to discuss how people discouraged dating them (the students) due to cultural beliefs or made it seem that they were unattractive due to the color of their skin. One of the young women even pointed out that if someone is African American and overweight they will either receive no swipes or have people respond to them because there’s a fetish around bigger women. Unfortunately, the discrimination doesn’t end there. The Latino and Asian community have often become exoticized on those apps. A few of them in the film mentioned the disgusting pet names given to them from users including “panda” or “sexy Asian man/woman”. This continues to be a common trend, which further creates a gap between the perfect human and the rest of society.
Discrimination and image are just the tip of the iceberg when finding a partner. What about the infamous hookup trends? Dating is already complicated itself, but just imagine spending hours swiping through potential matches, only to receive messages such as “DTF” or “Noods”. I have been in that same love boat, only for it to be sunk by bullets of immature comments. According to the survey from Statista.com, 24% of individuals use dating apps only for the sole purpose of sex. Swiped didn’t hesitate to miss that subject; receiving opinions after opinions about online relationships and sex. While some were all up for the wild adventure, others were baffled about being exclusively used as just another object for someone else’s pleasure.
One young woman was filmed giggling nervously next to her friend, as she showed blurred genitalia images sent to her from a Tinder match on Snapchat. The young woman didn’t hesitate to mention that she didn’t ask for those pictures, only for another inappropriate picture to be sent. The increase in casual sex requests isn’t just the main focus. Sexual harassment and cyber assault are becoming more common than it should. We all want to believe that the handsome or beautiful person in the photograph connects with their true identity, but it’s not always the case. Swiped interviewed one brave young woman named Dylan, who was almost sexually assaulted by a drunk Tinder match in her room. She discussed with tears rolling down her cheeks how it almost ended horribly, and that she didn’t want to scream for help with the risk of waking up her roommates. According to a 2016 article conducted by the European portion of Vice News, online date rape has increased by a frightening 450% within only six years in the U.K. alone.
In addition to this type of crime, the number of people involved in revenge porn has also risen. One person described in the documentary how her photos were leaked to a website after she stopped sending naked photos to her Tinder match. Surprisingly, there was little the blog or the dating app could do, except advise her to report the crime to the police. With the rise of the hookup culture and the risks outweighing the benefits of promiscuous activity with others, it’s understandable that dating apps are making it complicated to distinguish between those we can trust and those who turn relationships into a game of how many people they can sleep within a certain amount of time.
The overall purpose of the documentary isn’t to scare the public about dating apps, but rather raise an awareness about their evolving objective. We continue to live in a state of vulnerability with social media continuously breaking down our virtual brick walls. The truth is that dating apps are breeding the addictive behaviors of power, success, and self-importance. In reality, it’s nothing more than a piece of technology supposedly used to enhance our lives. To answer the question presented at the beginning of my article, dating does exist, but the word “date” has started to become a loose term for how one interacts with a person (love interest or not) in a contained environment. The good news is that love is still out there. Even if you don’t find your dream partner online, you’ll find them at the moment when you least expect it to happen.