** Disclaimer: My own leanings are liberal and this article is based on my own experiences.
Why is it difficult to have discussions and debates about political beliefs? I asked students at Mount Holyoke College one question. Why do conservatives not like to talk to liberals? The general response I received was that people on both sides, liberals and conservatives, are afraid of confrontation especially over political ideologies which can be very personal. Interestingly, even though I only asked about conservatives, all of the people I talk to mentioned that liberals also do this, as if to indicate that neither side was better than the other. This article is not about whether or not people want to avoid confrontation. Rather it is about how people act when they get into confrontations and behavioral patterns that I have noticed in myself and other liberals I’ve known. I am trying to answer the question “why do conservatives not like talking to liberals “ through a list of attitudes and behaviors that I have seen.
1. Taking the moral high ground
Political beliefs are hard to define. A person’s political beliefs are an amalgamation of their beliefs on how the government, economy, and social issues should be handled. I want to emphasize the social issues part of the last sentence. “Our politics” sounds impersonal but “our social issues” or “our human issues” sounds personal. Politics have somehow become entwined with how we believe human lives should be treated and our own morality. And when you believe that one side is correct, the other side becomes not only incorrect, but can also be seen as immoral. A person’s morality cannot be judged simply by their political leanings. I believe that and many other liberals believe that as well. But in practice, they may not always act on that belief. I have seen that, with myself and other liberals, we may unconsciously, or sometimes consciously, decide that our argument is the moral high ground and dismiss all other arguments because they are immoral and therefore automatically wrong and have no merit. That is not to say that conservatives do not also do this, but one thing I have noticed is that liberals often do not admit to doing this, which is harmful when you are trying to encourage a culture of discussions and debates. Honesty with yourself and others is necessary to have a real debate. A person needs to understand that no matter how much they believe that their argument is the absolute “right”, the person sitting across from them also thinks that their argument is the absolute “right”, and that that other person does not always have malicious or ignorant intent.
2. Belittling the other person, even if you don’t mean to
Going back to the idea of politics being tied to social issues and what a person defines as morally correct, it can be difficult for a person to understand why other people chose another answer when one answer seems to be absolutely correct. In all honesty, there are a few issues that do have simple answers and no gray area, but most do not. I think that one reason people think that someone else does not agree with them is because the other person just doesn’t know enough. Sometimes this is true, but problems arise when liberals unconsciously, or again maybe consciously, belittle others because of their “lack of life experience” and almost treat them like children. This in turn can lead to not acknowledging any of the opposite party’s arguments and not considering any of the other person’s words because you consider most of their ideas naive or make the other person defensive because they are not being shown respect. Respect is key talking with others about their beliefs, and it must be mutual. Respecting people does not mean that one has to agree with them, only that one listens before casting a judgement.
3. Asking loaded questions
When I say “loaded questions”, I mean a question that contains a an unjustified assumption, like presumption of guilt. These questions are almost used like traps because they do not leave much room for gray areas. I think part of the reason people ask these types of questions is because they separate people into simple dichotomies, those who are right and those who are wrong. They also help to clearly define who the person in the wrong is and reaffirm that you, the asker, are just. They are almost like litmus tests for a person’s morality and they are horrible for constructive conversations. They are aggressive and can force people into a corner because they are based on a negative assumption about the person. In the end, nothing is accomplished by asking loaded questions. The asker may think that they were being blunt and straightforward by asking them and see nothing wrong with the question, but by using these question, the asker becomes close-minded. Again, conservatives and liberals may ask these type of questions, but I have noticed that no matter who asks them, they can be emotionally draining and ineffective.
These are reasons that I have found, through my own life experiences, as to why conservatives do not like talking to liberals. When I surveyed Mount Holyoke students, one first-year answered, “anything that anyone says, the other side will take it and run with it. So both sides don’t encourage conversation. It’s just about proving who is right and how bad the other side is.” The reasons I listed above definitely support that sentiment. I’m not saying saying that either side is entirely at fault nor that either side is innocent. I think that would diminish the argument of this article if I did. But I think that sometimes liberals and conservatives do not want to admit when they make mistakes and that is counterproductive to everyone.
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