Oh, Orlando. The dream travel destination of every Brazilian teenager. After living in Florida for the past four years, I’ve had my fair share of the Orlando theme parks, and oh boy do I have my opinions on them. I wouldn’t be a real HerCampus writer (or a Florida resident) if I didn’t shout them from the rooftops. Do know that this is from the perspective of a person highly fearful of roller coasters and amusement park rides in general. Here is my ranking from worst to best:
7- SeaWorld
This surely won’t be a controversial opinion. With its many animal rights violations, SeaWorld must come last, even though I did have a fun time in their aquariums as a naive 10-year-old. Besides, I am a huge coaster wimp, so I don’t go on literally any of the rides. Literally none. So there’s nothing here for me. Easily the last.
6- Hollywood Studios
In a similar vein, I feel this park also has little I can do, with my fear of heights and inversions. I am also not easily entertained by theme park shows (which is a lot of this park’s offerings). The attractions I do go to are few and far between (looking at you, Mickey and Minnie’s, Toy Story Land, and Galaxy’s Edge) and they’re always packed. I feel that if you don’t go to the super thrilling ones, it may be skippable. Not a lot going for it. The decorations are cute, though.
5- Animal Kingdom
I am inclined to believe Disney treats their animals better than SeaWorld given that Animal Kingdom is the largest amusement park in the WDW complex, with 580 acres (for scale, the MHC campus is 800 acres). However, this park is not the most iconic, not by a long shot. I appreciate its culinary offerings, often borrowing from Asian and African cuisines, but in terms of attractions, it’s lacking other than Pandora.
4- Magic Kingdom
Perhaps the most classic Orlando theme park there is, with the Disney magic and the castle and the princesses, oh my! I must say, this park holds so much space in my heart. It’s impossible not to have fun in this park as the levels of thrill available are very broad, catering to everyone’s interest. Not to mention the fireworks, which are always a tearjerker! In this park, you can be a kid again, which we all need. Additionally, I LOVE the overpriced trashy American food they serve here. Yes, please put mac and cheese on my $12 jumbo hot dog. I don’t care anymore.
3- Universal Studios
I feel as if the Universal complex is more catered towards “grown” kids, with their more mature themes and characters. Universal Studios specifically is a bit more thrilling than Islands of Adventure, holding the Hollywood Rip Ride RockIt roller coaster, which features a 90-degree climb. Needless to say, this park doesn’t cater much to me, but the rides available here that I DO go to are phenomenal, such as The Simpsons Ride and MIB Alien Attack. Besides, the vibes are just immaculate if not a bit odd (a Jimmy Fallon themed ride, hello?!). Until you’re gobbling the best burger you’ve ever had from the Krusty Burger shop while Nelly’s “Ride Wit Me” plays in the background with your mom yapping about how the simulator triggered her labyrinthitis and she’ll never do this again (spoiler: she will), you haven’t lived.
2- Islands of Adventure
The second park in the Universal complex, this one is more accessible to me since it has mostly simulators and a lack of “big” coasters. It still has a few of them, but they’re few and far between, so you could forsake them and still attend to most of the park’s offerings. Similar to Universal Studios, given that this is a more “grown-up” park, the vibes are more my style.
Honorable Mentions
The Water Parks
Offering a broad level of thrill that all ages (and anxiety levels) can enjoy, the water parks are a great choice for a warm Summer (or Winter; it’s Florida after all) day. There are a total of four, and they are all wonderful.
Discovery Cove
Going to this park and swimming with a dolphin used to be my biggest dream. I don’t think I could do it with a clear conscience though, knowing what I know now.
Legoland and Peppa Pig Theme Park
Can we be honest? These are iconic. I’ve never been but I seriously need to. Peppa Pig? Really? This is amazing.
Fun Spot
Fun Spot America is a chain similar to Six Flags. They offer a high level of thrill and are considered a more affordable option. I probably will never go there but whenever we drive by it, it seems pretty packed, so I assume it’s a good place!
Drumroll please…
1- EPCOT
NO ONE ARGUE WITH ME ON THIS. This park is often considered “boring” by some, but it’s far from it. Those who consider EPCOT boring have severe disruptions in their dopamine system and are in constant need of overstimulation. What, you can’t enjoy just walking around trying foods from other countries and feel weirdly patriotic after exiting The American Adventure, AKA the best place to digest your food? The thrill here is a perfect level everyone can be comfortable with. This park holds what I’d argue is the best WDW attraction of all time: TestTrack. There is not one attraction here that I don’t go to (if you ignore the newest roller coaster that just opened…), so it’s a good deal for me. I love sightseeing, so being in a park where the main appeal is just enjoying the breeze while admiring the architecture is a perfect plan. Their fireworks shows are always phenomenal and always make me cry. Another thing: I am obsessed with theme park history, and I feel like EPCOT is the one that has stuck to its roots the most, but Disney has to stop putting IPs in everything at the park for its legacy to remain. Also, no words for the EPCOT ball, who is the hottest girl in school.