I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that my first year of college is almost over. The other day, I was watching one of my favorite shows of all time, Gilmore Girls. It was the episode when Rory goes off to college. I watched Rory and Lorelai pull up at Yale, switch out the mattress in her dorm room, meet her roommates, and all of the other crazy, overwhelming processes of arriving at college for the first time. I’d seen this episode a few times before, and always anticipated when it would be my turn. When I pictured going to college, I pictured bits and pieces of Rory’s experience, and it seemed so unreal and far away. Recently, it hit me that the mystifying idea of going off to college was now a reality for me, that Rory and I could relate.
There’s only seven weeks left of this school year. I can’t believe it! It barely feels like I’m even in college at this point, yet here we are.
This new experience has been shocking for me in several ways. Sometimes I’d be walking around campus and would relive a memory. I remembered standing in that same spot before, but when I was first touring the school. At that time, campus was a confusing and disorienting place that I didn’t recognize. I’d stand there, and it would dawn on me that everything was familiar now, and had fallen into place in my mind. When did that happen?
Some days, I’d be leaving class or going to the library to study and I’d be struck by the idea that I was actually at college and all alone. As in, I was surviving and going through the motions of my day. My mom had no idea what I was doing, and somehow I was successful all on my own. I felt proud of myself in those moments. The terrified version of me before college actually turned out to be quite capable. All’s good.
Another aspect of living away from home that was particularly disjointing was the fact that I was living away from home. When going home for breaks, it was like I’d never left my family or my house. Then I’d return to school, and it was like I’d never left there, either. Being carted back and forth between these two places felt so strange. Seeing my mom and sister doing just fine and living their lives at home without me was odd. My mind kept feeling like, “What is going on?!”
College still feels new to me, even though I’m settled and my first year is almost over. I’ve passed some sort of milestone, just like that! I wonder if Rory ever felt like I do sometimes. Thanks for being my role model, girl. You’re the best.
I hope you can relate to this reflection on some of my experiences since coming to college. When you’re a first-year everything is new, mind-boggling and it goes by really quickly. Maybe that’s the fun of it all. To firsties!
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