So your best friend is graduating and you’re not. I know exactly how you feel. This point in the semester can be really stressful not only because your work is piling up and your motivation is slowly disappearing, but also because the idea of your best friend graduating is constantly plaguing your thoughts. Everyone always talks about dealing with graduation from the perspective of a senior leaving the academic bubble and entering the real world, but what about from the perspective of a best friend who’s feeling abandoned? Since our last hockey practice together in February, the thought of my friend Kaila graduating has been looming over my head. Here are a few ways I’ve coped so far that might help you, too:
1. Reminding myself that she is moving on to bigger and better things. I can honestly say that I am truly happy for her getting to graduate. She is a smart, incredible person and leader, and I can’t wait to see her kill it in the real world. Graduating from Mount Holyoke is a huge accomplishment and she has been working so hard for this moment, so knowing that she’s going to continue to do even more amazing things once she graduates helps turn sad thoughts into happy thoughts.
2. Setting aside time, one-on-one time. Even though everyone is super busy right now, setting aside time for just me and her is really worthwhile. This is never anything big or over planned-out, it’s always just something as simple as dinner or watching an episode of Sherlock together. Getting to spend time just the two of us makes me appreciate every little moment.
3. Writing a letter to her. I’m a huge sap, so this might not work for everyone, but it really helped me. At random moments the thought of Kaila graduating slips into my mind, and it makes my heart sink because I realize how much I’ll miss her next year. It suddenly feels like there’s too many things to say and not enough time left. For hockey’s senior appreciation night, I wrote her a really long note expressing what a great friend/teammate/sister/example she is, how much I’ll miss her, congratulating her for finishing undergrad, etc. It was really satisfying to be able to express all the things I don’t typically say to her on a daily basis.
4. Making plans for the future. Hearing her talk about her senior week plans with her other senior friends kind of stresses me out because it makes me feel left out and left behind, which I admit is pretty irrational since I’m not even a senior. Even though it’s not my time or place to make those kinds of plans or be involved in them, I can think about summer and the future in other ways. For example, Kaila will be traveling around the US for a while before she starts work, so she’s going to make sure to visit the Grand Canyon and see me in Arizona. And when she starts work in Spain, I’ll be close doing my internship, and we’ll definitely be able to see each other then.
5. Crying. A lot. In my experience, crying is way more helpful than denial. You should definitely be happy for your friends who are graduating, but also don’t be afraid to cry if you need to. The most important thing to remember is that graduation is not goodbye forever, it’s just the beginning of a new chapter. I know that it’s hard to imagine to imagine life on campus without your favorite seniors, but change is good and graduation is a happy occasion. Relish in the rest of the time you have together on campus, but realize it’s not the end of the world or the end of your friendship, and it’s all going to be OK.
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