Rise and grind, fellow zombuffs!
In the chaos of the midterm season, I come to you bearing gory gifts! Please enjoy this week’s entry into watching every zombie movie ever, kicking off our second edition with some more widely known zombie movies.
Unfortunately I, too, am drowning in essays, so this list lacks its full seven(-ish) features. Not to worry: there are still plenty of reviews to go around.
For those who are new to the series, I have recently, against my better judgment, committed to watching every zombie movie ever, and you lucky folks get to join me for the ride!
Each review will have my personal rating, a bit about how effective I think the movie is as a zombie movie, maybe a bit about the zombies themselves, and sometimes a few fun facts. Reviews will also include the zombie type (where they originate from), class (features/how survivable they are), and spread (self-explanatory).
Beware: minor spoilers.
1- Dawn of the Dead 2004 (5/5 brains)
Trailer: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j69OPw9nFHw]
As the ‘run like a girl’ trend continues to rise in popularity, I encourage people to watch this movie. The opening, featuring the main character, Ana, is an excellent example of running like a girl– that is, running for your life. She utilizes her physical differences, like her smaller height and weight, from her infected husband and manages to escape him despite his strength advantage over her. This is one of the best setups for a zombie movie I have seen– immediately making us root for the main character, establishing her as smart and resourceful while also introducing her alongside a life-changing event that allows viewers to sympathize with her right away. The rest of the movie follows suit: smart, smart decisions and driven, likable characters. The people who make stupid decisions do so believably act out of passion or impulse. Dawn of the Dead displays the cruelty of humanity (think: maybe the humans were the monsters all along) in experiences akin to the Stanford Experiment, but chooses to focus on everyday kindness and paths to redemption. Excellent zombie movie. Excellent film.
Also? The dog does not die. You love to see it.
Type: Infected, Class: Sprinters, Spread: Bite
2- The Crazies 2010 (4/5 brains)
Trailer: [THE CRAZIES – Trailerwww.youtube.com › watch]
This one has everything a zombie movie needs– A traveling group, access to guns, (mostly) smart main characters, a government response, and good old rabid biters. I haven’t seen the original, but this movie works just as well as a standalone. Seeing characters navigate personal relationships and deep emotional connections while grappling with the reality that not only is the world falling apart, but they may not be able to trust each other anymore, makes for excellent tension even when zombies aren’t on screen. The strength of friendship prevails in this film, a beacon of hope in the tragedy of the genre.
Type: Infected, Class: Semi-Sapient, Spread: Toxin
3- Mayhem (5/5. Not a zombie movie.)
Trailer: [https://youtu.be/GLex_6duwVI?si=A0rkIy6trJ7mfzPn]
Would I call it a zombie movie? No. The people that are alive by the end of the film walk off A-OK, if maybe a little traumatized. People can get infected, yeah, but they go back to normal once it works through their system. Besides, the infected are still conscious and aware of everything they do; their emotions are just heightened. A lot. Zombie or not, this is an excellent, excellent movie. God, I love Samara Weaving. Both she and Steven Yuen are amazing in this one.
Type: Viral, Class: Sapient, Spread: Airborne Virus
4- Cabin in the Woods (5/5 brains)
Trailer: [https://youtu.be/NsIilFNNmkY?si=PghqMTwofF2T3oH4]
To be completely honest, this movie is only on the list as a guilty pleasure. When compiling my list of every zombie movie ever, I quickly realized that I would never be able to get through all 3,000+ (you read that right) of them. I realized that included on my list were not only zombie movies, but movies featuring zombies. Semantics, I know. But, I’m trying to cut down, so movies featuring zombies that are not strictly zombie-movies have been struck from the list. That being said… I’m a sucker for Cabin in the Woods. The first half of this movie is a zombie movie, no doubt. Halfway through, it kinda goes off the rails (in a good way). This review is going to focus on the actual zombie aspect (so I can at least try to follow my own rules) and not what follows.
While the zombies in this movie are a plot device and not the plot themselves, the Buckner family is surprisingly “fleshed” out and intimidating. Despite the fact that there is no risk of infection, there is risk of being torn apart, all thanks to the premortem habits of the family. The characters’ decision to get the hell out of dodge is a sound one. While some zombies can be fought off, the Buckners simply keep coming back. The fact that some of their scenes contribute to the comedy aspect of the movie while still being effortlessly scary when they need to be is no small feat.
Type: Necromantic, Class: Zombie Redneck Torture Family, Spread: N/A
5- Patient Zero (2/5 brains)
Trailer: [https://youtu.be/Ab6rslFsr_M?si=Y8_bz9t2cJn0rIDl]
Stanley Tucci… save me evil Stanley Tucci…
This movie. Makes me angry. It’s overall a good film, but there is one glaring issue that could have immediately solved everyone’s problems. Warning for heavy spoilers in the next sentence: WHY DIDN’T THEY USE THE SOUND SYSTEM BRO THEY CLEARLY HAVE SPEAKERS SET UP THROUGHOUT THE COMPOUND. Anyways, the concept of zombies as rabid but sapient enough to communicate with each other is really interesting, and I love a good “half-immune” character that has a special connection to the infected. There are several unique aspects of this movie, but sadly, they are not all utilized to their fullest potential. Great concept, but I wish it was more than just a concept. Natalie Dormer… yeah. She’s so cool in this movie. Gets things done. I appreciate her. I love her. We need more people like her in the apocalypse. This is also the second appearance of The Doctor on our list.
Type: Infected, Class: Semi-Sapient Sprinters, Spread: Bite
And there you have it! Slightly less than seven zombie movies served hot off the plate, rare enough to bleed, for you to enjoy. Don’t forget to double tap– just in case one comes back for seconds.