I absolutely adore Joss Whedon’s 1997-2003 masterpiece Buffy the Vampire Slayer. From its quirky 90s special effects, to Sarah Michelle Gellar’s star power, to its landmarks for lesbians on screen, it is a hit from top to bottom. That being said, I would be remiss to ignore Whedon’s subtly embedded misogyny throughout the show. For those of you less familiar with the show, it follows teenage Buffy Summers — her generation’s “Vampire Slayer” — and her best friends Willow and Xander as they battle against the forces of darkness. It’s cute, it’s fun, it’s a high school drama that finds new fans to this day.
Now for the misogyny. Xander Harris is one of Buffy’s best friends. She meets him in the first episode, and his attraction to her is immediately established — as is her indifference to it. He spends seasons completely enamored with her while she dates other people and saves the world, and it drives him crazy. He is completely convinced that, by being her friend, he is owed reciprocated affection. He buys her jewelry, openly hates her boyfriend, and mopes to everyone that she isn’t his. Now, this could be an intriguing character if he wasn’t played as the silly nice guy everyone can relate to. Xander is a character beloved by people of all genders; I even have a friend who was almost named after him!
Xander played a big part in the origin of the modern friendzone and helped initiate acceptance of the idea that women owe men sex for simply being friends with them. Think of Jacob from Twilight, Ross from Friends, Toby from The Office, and so many other beloved characters that promote the idea that they are owed what they want and mope around when they don’t get it. Except that these are people, not objects. Buffy, Bella, Rachel, and Pam did not ask for this unwarranted attention, and they do not owe these men anything. The “friendzone” is not real, you’re just a friend and a massive creep.