Content Warning: Discussion of weight gain and body image.
Disclaimer: This is based on a personal experience about dealing with body image from a Filipino American standpoint. It does not reflect the experiences of all Asian Americans.
I spent the majority of last summer at home. Since I hadn’t been back in a long time, I took full advantage of my time there. Every day I indulged in as much rice as I wanted and all the home-cooked Filipino food I had been craving.
One day I looked in the mirror and noticed how chubby my cheeks were getting. “Mommy, I’m fat,” I told my mother, frustrated.
“Yes, you are,” she replied. “But you also have a fat heart and a fat personality.”
From an outsider’s perspective, I understand how this can be seen as a very weird thing to say, but to me it was the most normal, honest, and reassuring response I could have received. She didn’t deny that I was fat. She didn’t say, “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” She straight-up agreed that I had gained weight, and instead of turning it into something negative, she pointed out other “fat” parts of me: my big heart and my larger-than-life personality.
These are the kinds of “fat comments” I heard growing up. I never thought it was inappropriate to call someone fat because for the longest time it was just another descriptor to me, and frankly, I heard it so often that I was unfazed by it.
Whether it’s a family gathering, a holiday, or any casual occasion, the first thing you’ll hear as soon as you walk through the door of an Asian household is “What do you want to eat?” or “Did you eat yet?” or “Let me make you something!” Food is such a central part to our culture and family, so feeding others is an expression of love.
The flip side of this candor towards eating and food is that Asians are also never afraid to say things like “Wow you got fat!” In Asian social contexts there is a very blurry line between fat shaming and making comments about weight. We don’t intend to use the term “fat” in a derogatory way, however, we are also heavily influenced by Western standards of beauty. Therefore, it can be extremely difficult to navigate body image especially in Asian American circles.
This was something I experienced in middle school. When you’re an Asian in America, you find yourself in a lot of situations where you stand out. And when you’re surrounded by a bunch of people that don’t look like you, you’ll inevitably be heavily influenced by the standards of beauty they set. I went to a predominantly white private school in Arizona where the norm was to be skinny and blonde. My classmates made it really clear that it was not ok to be “fat” or look different. I got so accustomed to people calling me fat as an insult that it became so stressful to hear anyone in my family mention anything about my weight or eating because I couldn’t help but take it the wrong way. Deep down I understood that my family wasn’t trying to be hurtful, but because Asian culture treats body image in an entirely different way from the American culture that I was exposed to every single day, it was extremely difficult to situate myself in a body-positive headspace.
There have been times when my non-Asian friends have been shocked to overhear me and other Asians talk about being fat so bluntly. They think we’re being mean or intentionally promoting body dysmorphia and that frustrates me because it’s not true. What many people fail to recognize is that there’s a huge difference in cultural perspective when it comes to body image and the language/implications surrounding it. This was something that I, as an Asian American, had a hard time getting used to. I’ve come to understand both perspectives, but one thing I believe is that even though Asians might seem too upfront about body image, being blunt is better than tiptoeing uncomfortably around the subject. Acknowledge the nature of the social context you’re in but never be afraid to speak up if you’re uncomfortable with something someone says. For anyone dealing with fat shaming, no matter the source, remember that at the end of the day, health – both mind and body – is more important than any image projected onto you.
An ad from plump.ph, a body positivity website and magazine in the Philippines.
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