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The Administration’s Most Kept Scandal: Exposed

It wasn’t until this week that I was told the most dreadful news. It was something most shocking: a covered up murder? A conspiracy? It couldn’t be. The idea that great lengths were taken by administration to keep the truth under wraps was repulsive. How could our loving Mount Holyoke staff have known for so long the indecencies that were happening within our own campus gates?

Today, ladies, gents, and all others, I will reveal to you a truth you probably already suspected. I will answer the questions you have brought up that have never been answered. At this moment, I will reveal Mount Holyoke’s biggest, decades-old secret.  I am, of course, talking about the biological enigma of the infamous grey goose: Jorge.

Kayle Dillon ’20 uncovered the truth. “My teammates told me at dinner. I felt betrayed and confused. I also spent an extended period of time staring at Jorge.” One sophomore, who asked to remain anonymous, said that, “I always thought about how it was odd that he could survive the winter, and that he was so famous, but I never thought twice about it. I always thought maybe the facilities people or someone else on campus took care of him/her/them when it was cold out. I just assumed he was taken care of. I never thought this was the true story.”

“Have you ever wondered how Jorge can survive the winter without migrating to a warmer climate? Have you ever thought it strange that much older students remember Jorge from their heyday?

The life expectancy for a typical wild grey goose is about 20-30 years, approximately the length of time Jorge has been on campus, which makes everything appear to be seamless and well. However, this lifespan is for geese who migrate to warmer climates, not ones who are residents all-year-round in a climate that can get down to below 0 degrees Fahrenheit.”

The secret that has been slipping around under your nose, kept quiet, kept elusive is the fact that Jorge, is not in fact Jorge. Rather, Jorge is many different Jorges. From what I’ve heard, Jorge has had a few accidents on campus throughout the decades. The latest one happened  in 2015 when an alum ran over one of the later infamous grey geese during reunion. That alum’s name has yet to be revealed, but I’m sure they feel terrible about it, for that Jorge is probably haunting them to this day.

The current grey goose on campus is unknown which number this Jorge is. However, we do know the extent to which the administration cleans it up. According to a graduated source, once the goose dies, the very next day another goose is brought in. Perhaps, it is speculated, this operation is done under the cloak of nightfall, during which few people could have a chance to see.  Another sophomore divulged to me confidentially that someone, “said that replacing Jorge once Jorge has passed is a big secret operation and they do it in the middle of the night and it’s all covert”. The affair is done swiftly and quietly, so when the students wake up in the morning, they are greeted by their (maybe not so) friendly goose friend, companion, and unofficial mascot: Jorge. Little do they know, this Jorge may or may not be the same Jorge they knew yesterday. One student, Mia Barnes ’18 was informed of the conspiracy by an upperclassman. she describes her experience to me by saying, “I could not process the information and asked Ellie to repeat it four times. I tried to figure out if Jorge looked different, and thought deeply about how that alumn that killed him must have felt.” Truer words have never been spoken, Mia.

Jorge’s gender, because of all of the changes in Jorges, is also widely debated amongst the inner circle of students and faculty who know this information. Was Jorge ever male? Is the current Jorge female? LITS seems to believe Jorge goes by the she/her pronouns. Is this a clue to the true conspiracy? Or is it just a coincidence?

I, myself, have a hard time believing in coincidences. What I know for sure is if administration covers up Jorge so well, what else are they covering up?

 

 

My name is Victoria and I am a singer/songwriter and physics enthusiast from Pleasantville, NY. I am a first year currently studying Music and Physics at Mount Holyoke College. I run for the Cross Country and Track team, and I am a big proponent of Halloween, Harry Potter, music, tea, and art.
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