Making social and structural changes in our world often takes the force of many people banded together to advocate for change. This takes the help and support of people outside of the group that is directly affected or marginalized. To create a world that is safe and equitable for all, it is imperative that we stand up for people who are being oppressed and marginalized even when there is no effect on our own lives and existence. We need to be compassionate and empathetic, rather than turning a blind eye to injustices in the world just because there is no immediate harm to us. This allyship can provide additional but important assistance to the affected communities and can speed up the process to catalyze more change. However, as allies, there are a few things we need to remember when supporting a target group. Here are 9 things to keep in mind:
1. Don’t center yourself in the conversation
In my book, this is one of the most important things you should do as an ally. It’s crucial to keep the focus on whoever you have come to support rather than hijacking their platform to talk about issues affecting you. This is all part of the popular saying you might have heard a thousand times from your parents that “there’s a time and place for everything.” Indeed there is, so make sure to step back and allow things to not be centered around you. There’s no need to start an oppression olympics to see who is more oppressed. It is possible to advocate for the rights of more than one group and there is no competition in that. Just be respectful and recognize that bringing up another issue, in the middle of fighting for another, takes away and strips the conversation away from the group who may have planned the rally, protest, or conversation.
2. Be aware of your power in situations
It’s essential to be aware of the power and privilege you hold in a situation, and being able to acknowledge your power as an ally is more beneficial to everyone than trying to convince everyone that you don’t have any. There’s nothing wrong with having privilege, and we all have privilege in some way depending on the context, but being cognizant of what you bring to the table is a major step to making sure not to bulldoze the group you have come to support. Be sure not to try to dominate the conversation or take up too much space as an ally. There is nothing more frustrating than someone working hard to make their voices and their issues heard and having someone else come in to try and take over. Another thing that can happen is people outside of the target group asking allies to explain to them what is happening or why they are demanding to be heard. Let people be in charge of their own story and their own protest.
3. Don’t try to speak for or over others
This point is very much interwoven into the previous point. As an ally you cannot speak to the experience of the people you are supporting, so don’t. You can never fully understand someone’s experience or their struggles unless you experience them yourself, and trying to do so takes away the ability for people to determine who they are and how they want to be portrayed. Being an ally doesn’t make you an expert on anyone else’s lived experiences, so if you feel yourself talking over others, take a step back and be aware of how you are interacting with the situation and others. You never want to find yourself telling someone else’s story.
4. Acknowledge and embrace intersectionality
One amazingly refreshing thing about people is that they can come from different backgrounds and have different experiences and views. You should never view the group you are supporting as a monolith with the exact same experiences and it’s vital to acknowledge how one’s gender, race, sexuality, and abilities can intersect to influence people’s experiences. Allies must make space for all of these intersections and advocate for all members, rather than excluding a subset of the group. For example, in feminist movements it is often the case that middle class white women’s needs are expressed and are centered in the conversation. However, it is crucial to also center the experiences of black women, poorer women, trans women, disabled women, queer women, etc.
5. Don’t victimize yourself
As an ally on the outside of the affected group, in keeping with not centering yourself, it is good to disconnect yourself as an individual from the needs of the group. For example, in the Black Lives Matter movement there have been countless instances where non-black people try to reinforce the value of their lives too- “White lives matter, too!” However, the Black Lives Matter movement was born out of racial inequality in the US that disproportionately affects black individuals. Police brutality has been unequivocally aimed towards black people, and so affirming that their lives are of value and that the murder of black communities should stop does not imply that the murder of white people should be tolerated either. As an ally be sure not to victimize yourself just because the conversation is not about you in that moment. Fighting for basic human rights doesn’t hurt anyone else, it simply affirms that all lives must be treated with respect and that helps us all regardless of skin colour.
6. Don’t show up for the wrong reasons
It’s easy to get into a lot of things for the wrong reasons and allyship is no different. If you decide to become involved make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Having a self-serving agenda takes away from what is being done whether or not you think so. A lot of people help to make themselves feel good or to make themselves feel powerful like some sort of “savior”. This “saviour complex” has a history of oppression behind it, so coming in with that mentality is actually compromising whatever you are doing and reinforcing imperialistic ideas and is extremely patronizing. In your journey as an ally be sure to be present for the right reasons and to really be there to help.
7. Stand up for others (even when no one’s looking) and don’t make excuses for others
Silence can be a dangerous weapon. Being a good ally means calling out and addressing racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and sexism even when you’re living your day to day life. Challenging these ideas is fundamental as we work to break them, even if this means calling out your own friends and family at times. People often say offensive things under the veil of humor. Don’t let people guilt you into silence when they are being hateful. Jokes can harm too, and calling them out and explaining why they are damaging can open the floor for much needed conversation and understanding. For those in the affected group it can get exhausting to have to live the experiences they do and call out and explain racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and/or sexism all the time. This can be traumatic and frustrating for them, and so as an ally that may not be directly affected it is key that you continue to do so.
8. Don’t appropriate
Simple as that. In case you aren’t sure what this is, the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines this as “to take or make use of without authority or right”. Bear in mind that supporting a group or culture does not give you permission to take what isn’t yours so please be cautious of this.
9. Listen and answer calls for help in a way that is useful
Be open to listening to the needs of the community you are helping and don’t try to assume you know what they need. There is no one more informed than the people affected, so look to them as the source of information for ways you can assist them, rather than thinking you know best or have some sort of insight that they don’t. This is a crucial piece in allyship – being able to listen and respond in ways you are asked to. This is especially important in making sure not to derail or backtrack progress or plans that are being made by the group, but to unite and strengthen each other. This allows allies to be helpful in a way that is needed and useful.
Allyship is a crucial form of support to drive change in communities and in our world. Be aware of how you are navigating spaces not made for you, and practice these tips in order to be the best ally you can be!
Sources: Cover, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
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