In almost every movie I’ve ever watched, break-ups are portrayed stereotypically. The main character is dating some scumbag and then they break up and she’s free! She promptly goes out with her group of unwavering supportive girlfriends and almost immediately finds the love of her life and they live happily ever after. Therefore, you can imagine my shock after I went through a break-up with my (ex) boyfriend this week and was so debilitated I couldn’t leave my bed for 3 days. No one ever discusses the rawness of a break-up. They don’t talk about the pair of 3,000 pound weights sitting on your shoulders or the inability to even eat a meal. Oh, and why didn’t they tell me I’d be crying in aisle 5 of Target because I saw a Heath bar and I couldn’t remember if he liked them or not?
I think the worst part of a break-up is when you see them coming. You are obsessed with every detail in the way it ends and the completely haunting awareness that everything you do and say could be the last thing you do or say to them. I found myself in the last week obsessing over “the lasts”. I replayed the last thing I said to him a million times and I visualized the last time I saw him so many times that the part of my brain that makes dreams was like, “God, this dream again?” I’ve rewritten the same text to him over and over and deleted it so many times that I’ve actually hired my best friend as my personal phone guard (she even works nights and weekends). It becomes eerily clear that for the rest of your life you will be a bystander in someone’s life. That someone being the person who you introduced to your weird aunts and uncles. Not to mention, in movies, we’re shown that right after the break-up we should be so grateful because we just opened ourselves up to the next great partner that’s coming! I always hated that message, because what if there is no next? Not in a negative Nancy way, but realistically the only person we have is ourselves. This constant pursuit of a relationship should not be a pivotal part of our healing journey.
So, as I overshare yet again, I thought I’d at least bring something positive out of it. I wanted to lay the stereotypical glamorization of heartache to rest, quit perpetuating the idea that you have to heal immediately in order to ready yourself for your next partner, and just all around help other people going through a break-up not feel so alone. In other words, help me help you. This is week one, and yes I have cried in a Target, I did cry every time my mom asked if I was okay, and I did overstep my dog’s personal space boundaries 84 times. Here’s to the journey.