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The 21 Stages of Wine Wednesday


College is a hectic, stressful and wonderful time in a woman’s life. But it tends to overwhelm us to the point where we are often putting our long to-do list of assignments, work hours and extracurricular activities in front of our girls. We need to stop that. We need to stop pushing each other aside and remember how much we need that friendship, that gossip and that laughter that comes only from hanging out with your best friends. Wine Wednesday is the perfect cure and it always unfolds in stages:


Stage 1: Excitement.

This is the step of anticipation. You’re so excited that you’ve finally caught hold of a moment where everyone is free from their ridiculously busy schedules, and you’re finally going to hang out. It’s been weeks, maybe even months, since this has happened, and you just can’t wait!


Stage 2: Panic.

This is what happens when you realize that to be the best and most gracious host, you need to have snacks. Especially since it’s an unstated rule that this is a BYOW event. Run to the cabinet, find the pretzels, chips or whatever it is you can find. I’ve found that baked goods are a crowd pleaser – especially cookies. And guess what: You don’t even have to cook them.


Stage 3: Pick a movie – but not really.

There’s always that half-ass attempt to pick a movie and watch it because you all said you would, but you never actually make it to the TV. Somehow someone always brings up one topic that excites enough conversation that turns into another topic and another topic and so on. Who needs a forced storyline anyway, when you can listen to all of the nonsense going on between your best friend and her boyfriend?


Stage 4: Pour the wine.

That is, if you haven’t already. This step is crucial.


Stage 5: Face-to-face conversation.

Let’s be honest, this doesn’t happen very often these days. You text, you tag each other in Facebook posts, you might even see each other briefly at class, work or chapter, but you never actually get to talk anymore. There are very few things in life better than getting to talk for hours with your best friends.


Stage 6: Noticing how much wine has mysteriously disappeared.

Someone always points it out. They bring attention to your wine bottle and make a snide remark, a gasp of surprise or show off their progress in comparison. Just smile demurely and move on ladies, move on.


Stage 7: It’s so hot.

Seriously, when did it become so hot? Is the heat on? Should we crack open a window? Do you think I have a fever?


Stage 8: Gotta pee.

The aggressive and frequent trips to the bathroom will just start all of the sudden. And they won’t stop – not for the rest of the night at least. All you know is that you peed five minutes ago, and you have to go again. And again. And again. And you’re pretty sure Megan has been in there seven times. If you’re the host I know you are, you’ll go get another roll of toilet paper.


Stage 9: Promises fly.

They can’t be contained anymore. This is the moment where you all realize how much you mean to each other. There may or may not be tears in your eyes. I promise to stand up in your wedding if you’ll be in mine! I promise to be best friends forever and ever!


Stage 10: No filter.

Somewhere along the line, someone admitted a deep, dark, hilarious secret. And now none of you can stop. You start admitting things about your boyfriend, about your hygiene, about your long-winded roommate drama that you would never normally reveal. It’s the wine. It’s fine. It makes you closer.


Stage 11: The realization that you’re all yelling.

You’ve all been trying to talk at the same time for the last 20 minutes, and the volume of the conversation has been steadily increasing. Someone will eventually notice. Hopefully it’s one of the ladies present and not a next-door neighbor.


Stage 12: Discuss your relationships.

I’m not just talking about your significant others that you’re with right now or even that stranger you hooked up with last week. I’m talking about getting deep into your relationship history, detailing memories about that boy you’ve had a crush on since you were three, but only see once a year.


Stage 13: Proudly display undergarments.

You might be wearing them… you might not be wearing them. Maybe you’ve got some fun lingerie in the closet you want to show off or maybe you want everyone to be impressed by how easily you can get out of your own bra. No matter the situation, someone’s gotta see it.


Stage 14: You’re more intoxicated friend proudly displays your undergarments on her head.

No explanation necessary.


Stage 15: Giggles.

It might be about how you never got to the movie. It might be about how much you’ve drank. It might be about someone’s tragic dating story. Either way, there will be giggles.


Stage 16: Those giggles escalate.

Before you know it, someone’s on the floor and can’t breathe.


Stage 17: It continues to escalate.

Maybe it’s just me, but that laughter always turns into tears. Especially when there’s wine involved.


Stage 18: Proud acknowledgement of any empty bottles.

They must be put on display in the kitchen. It’s a house rule.


Stage 19: Sadness.

It’s just sad when it starts to come to an end. You solemnly walk each girl out to her boyfriend/uber driver for the night. You wave and say goodnight, and you cannot believe the night went by so fast.


Stage 20: Sleep.

It’s that kind of sleep that you dream of getting. Unfortunately, you probably never got to that homework assignment you intended to do. But it’s fine. Because you’re drunk, and it was all worth it.


Stage 21: Waking up.

It’s hard. It comes with a hangover. It always involves wondering what you posted on social media last night and how much you’re going to regret it. But really, you won’t regret it. Because it was time with your girls, and no matter what, it’s always worth it.

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