I have had a lot of negative experiences as far as love and relationships, which has made it hard for me to open up and give other people a chance. My inability to bear my heart on my sleeve in fear it will be torn right off is something that always stops me from giving people a chance.
Without these experiences, however, I would not be able to differentiate between qualities I want and don’t want in a relationship. But why does love have to be scary? Why does trusting people seem like such a hard thing to do?
Well, because it is. It’s hard to trust and open up and give your all to someone because you never know what could happen. If we knew we would never get heartbroken, we would always go all in. But let’s be honest, we constantly evolve and sometimes we grow out of the people we used to love and have lots in common with. Sometimes our life goals change and we want different things, and that means leaving people behind.
It doesn’t mean we leave people and hurt them because we’re in a different mentality or place from when we first met them. It’s normal to have those changes and work through them together, basically just evolving together. But there are instances where one person isn’t willing to change and work through the other person’s changes. I personally have gone through this experience, and it’s painful when someone can’t compromise to build a relationship. However, even though it hurts, it is always for the better, and you learn to be happy on your own.
I have also been ghosted before, which is something that can make it hard to trust someone. You spend so much time trying to get to know someone and all of a sudden, they’re gone. No notice, no warning, just gone. It instills the fear that the person is going to leave you, and then you’ll feel like it isn’t worth it to give people a chance.
Another experience is the on and off communication. When someone is so wishy-washy and makes you question how much you’re worth to them, you start to feel like all you’ll get from others is the same treatment. You’ll think it’s okay to be treated this way when it is not at all what you deserve.
Though all the experiences mentioned above seem like they’re a bad thing (and I mean, they are), the positive aspect is I have learned how to value myself and not let people treat me as anything less than I am worth. To be honest, sometimes it feels like being closed off from men and not giving them the chance is how I “value myself” when in actuality, it is just pain turning into fear, and I am closing myself off to not only meeting fantastic people but from living life and getting new opportunities that can be amazing for me.
How can you learn to love again after being afraid to?
Well, every journey is different. Your journey might be different than someone else’s, and that’s okay. The most important part is you’re going at a pace that feels right for you and that you are comfortable in the moments when you are vulnerable. Another important and big part of the journey is making sure the other person is making you feel the comfort you need and is not rushing you into anything. They need to be supportive and understand the reasons you might feel the way you do and reassure you they’re going to be there for you and help you.
Although it might seem like a long and discouraging process, don’t lose hope. Love is something that comes when it is meant to. There’s no rush to be in a relationship or in love. Love is not only shown and given through partners but also from loved ones like friends and family. Don’t lose your relationship and connection with them in the process of building your love and trust again. They actually can play a huge role in redefining love.