To the one who can’t be here,
The holidays are here and I wasn’t prepared.
They came before knocking or before I could open the door and they did not ask for permission to stay.
Then again, they never did ask.
They’ve always been persistent with throwing snow in your face and coughing up ornaments.
They would push through the crowd with their large and dramatic trees and swing their lights for everyone to see.
So confident and ostentatious, they’ve never been hesitant to come out of their shell.
I never noticed how much I envied their confidence.
I never noticed how much I valued their cheer and their brightness.
They gave me special memories I held with you that could be re-lived every year.
But this year I was reminded that they couldn’t be re-lived.
You were called home and those memories would be forever changed.
I wish that I could wake up to burnt bacon and horrible gift wrapping.
I wish that we could argue again about who gets to put the star on the tree this year.
I wish that I had the same confidence to embrace the season as I did all the years before.
But I can remember how they’re supposed to be spent.
Traditions can become new traditions.
Your sweet potato pie may not be present but that apple pie is looking a little better this year.
Maybe I can give someone else another chance to put the star up.
Those memories may not be recurrent but that does not mean that they weren’t the best memories of my life.
I can make new memories knowing that you gave a holiday picture that is framed in the hearts of people who knew you.
You may not be here to watch me open the presents but that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate.
I celebrate our love and our joy.
I will celebrate every holiday like it was my last.
Thank you for that.
The one who misses you the most.