Now, who reading this has felt lonely at one point or another during this pandemic? Raise your hands. It’s nothing to be ashamed of people, I’m right there with you. It’s totally valid to feel lonely. After all, we’ve been secluded from the people who mean most to us for almost a year. You don’t realize how much physically being with people in-person can affect your wellbeing and happiness until you’re away from those you love for long periods of time. I think we were all so confused when we heard that in order to preserve our health, we couldn’t meet with people outside of our household. This meant no in-person birthday parties, no going out to restaurants, no dates and very limited opportunities to meet new people. Because of this, I decided I was going to reach out to people I hadn’t talked to in a while. I thought this would be a very beneficial way to reconnect with those people I might not be able to meet up with in person even if there wasn’t a pandemic going on.
So I reached out to some friends, just checking up on people in such a weird time. Then I reached out to this guy that I’d met a year prior when we spent the summer performing in the same performance group. I had always thought he was super talented and a really genuine person, but I wasn’t reaching out with the intention of flirting. I think we were both super surprised when that friendly check-in turned into us talking every day, all day. We became so close within two months of us texting, calling and zooming. It was so easy to talk to him then, and it’s only gotten easier. We started talking in the middle of March and we made it official on May 6th. We had talked about waiting to add that label of “relationship” until we got to see each other in-person. However, because of the severity of the pandemic, we didn’t know when that would be. We couldn’t wait. We both knew we wanted to be together, so why wait? Especially in a time like the pandemic where you’re really given a new perspective on life. I know I certainly gained a newfound appreciation for certain things in my life, certain people in my life. So, why wait until we’re physically together to make it official?
After a month and a half of virtual dating, we got to see each other. We both had been staying safe in quarantine so we felt comfortable being together. So I got in the car and drove four hours to see this incredible guy. Plus we both decided that we would add each other to our pod; the people we feel comfortable seeing, so the family we live with as well as each other. Seeing each other for the first time in over a year after our relationship had changed from a friendly one to a romantic one was such an unbelievable feeling. We both were feeling the effects of loneliness pretty hard so just being able to exist in the same space as each other was so reassuring for the relationship we had created solely on the phone. I think the fact that we had spent time together a year before definitely calmed the nerves of seeing each other for the first time as a couple. It wasn’t like we were meeting this brand new person, we knew each other. We loved each other at this point. I will never be able to properly express how I felt seeing him for the first time on that beautiful June afternoon. All I can say is it was a feeling of being home. You know when you haven’t seen someone in a while and you hug them and you feel like you can finally breathe easy again? That was the exact feeling I was experiencing. It felt like I had been holding my breath since May 6th when we made it official, and I finally got to let that breath out that day. Seeing his face, seeing my hand in his, I was home. That’s all I can say. To be honest, every time I see him now, 10 months into our relationship, I still have that same feeling, those same butterflies, they always come back and disappear the minute I’m with him again.
That summer we got to spend more time together in-person which was so unexpected and amazing. Since we weren’t able to go out on actual dates, we spent so much more time just chilling and getting to know who we were as a couple. We found just sitting and listening to music together to be so much more interesting than it might’ve been going out into town or hanging out with our group of friends together. We truly just had undivided time to be us. So when we went back to long-distance, we felt even stronger because we had that individual time to just be us.
As my boyfriend and I reach ten months together, we’ve had tons of time to reflect on how we came to be. My boyfriend is currently in college in Boston and I’m home in Wisconsin until I go back to school in-person at Montclair next fall hopefully. So we are in different time zones, different phases of independence with him being on his own in a new city and me being back in my childhood home, but even though there are a lot of differences in our individual lives at the moment, we still are able to come together every day and provide that consistency and support that both of us are so grateful for.
I truly believe without the pandemic our relationship wouldn’t be as rooted in trust and communication as it is now. Throughout this experience, we were able to work through any anxieties about the distance by learning how each other communicates the most efficiently. By learning how to communicate with each other early on in our relationship, it has proven to be very beneficial for us in the long run, as we now continue our four-month streak of long-distance. By building a friendship before a romantic relationship, we were able to get to know so much about each other; the weird quirks of each person’s personality as well as the deep memories you only tell your best friends. It was truly so easy to fall in love with this person solely based on the fact that he made me laugh and smile. Having such a strong level of comfort within a relationship is truly such an incredible thing. Being able to talk about everything and anything makes me realize how lucky I am to have found him, how lucky we both are to have created such a secure relationship in an insecure time in life. He makes me happier than I’ve ever been, providing stability, honesty and genuine love throughout such a confusing and uneasy time.
Finding such an amazing relationship in an emotionally draining time was such a strengthening point for the first few months of being together. We weren’t as afraid to talk about sensitive topics as you might’ve been if you were going out on actual dates with this person. “Sensitive” ideas like mental health, education, the pandemic, family life and the big scary topic of conversation, THE FUTURE. We were able to talk about our dreams and plans for our individual lives. We provided clarity and support to each other in spaces where support didn’t exist before. We were able to do this and discover this part of each other because we were constantly talking. When I say we were constantly talking, I mean zoom all night, text or call all day, then resume zoom at night again. It was a never-ending schedule. It was amazing. This was such a fulfilling way to get to know someone, especially in quarantine. Just being able to talk all day every day, whether it was about deep meaningful experiences in our past or about which Jell-O flavor is the best. (Lemon Lime DUH.) Even though we can’t talk all day like we used to because of college and work, we still make time for each other, scheduling virtual dates, having zoom meetings every night.
I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was looking for a friend, a connection of any kind. This was when I found something so much better than I had hoped for. I found my best friend. I don’t mean to sound cheesy. I have a feeling a few of you are reading this and getting nauseous because of all the relationship talk. Believe me, I understand how you’re feeling. It’s sometimes cringey reading about happy relationships simply because healthy partners are hard to come by. It’s easy to set your standards low simply because maybe you’re not convinced you deserve the best, or you’ve experienced an abusive partner in the past, or because there’s a stigma behind long-distance relationships that these kinds of relationships don’t last. However, if you’re experiencing any of these thoughts, I need you to take a step back and look at your situation. I learned through discovering this relationship that only YOU know how you feel in the partnership and only YOU can decide if you’re getting the love and support that you deserve. My boyfriend and I took our time to discover what we were as a partnership before making our situation known to too many people. Of course, we told our best friends and our family members but we didn’t want too many people to know simply because it isn’t their business! It’s so easy to get overwhelmed with the thoughts of others that you forget that this relationship is yours! No one else’s. You need to know you deserve the world. You deserve the most passionate and trusting love. If you’re not getting that, recognize that that’s what you need and find it. If you know this partner is healthy and treats you the way you deserve to be treated, no one else needs to give their input. Through this relationship, I came to terms with self-love and self-confidence. Knowing that I deserve the love I’m receiving helps immensely with loving myself. A good friend of mine told me this, you can only love others as much as you love yourself.
Long-distance relationships can be incredibly difficult. You have to be completely confident and trusting in your relationship and your partner. Knowing your partner is busy doing their own thing all day long might be discouraging. Not knowing when you’ll get to see your partner in-person again can be so emotionally draining at points. But it’s those moments, those amazing moments, like locking eyes with your partner at the airport after not being together for months or getting a phone call from that person after a long day, these moments keep the relationship strong and growing. Whenever my boyfriend and I are apart, I try to look at these distanced times as a way for us to grow individually while still supporting each other from afar. It’s really all about communication. Waking up to a good morning text and staying on call until four in the morning, those are the points of communication that become all too important when doing long-distance. One thing my partner and I started doing was journaling. We keep two journals, one for me and one for him, and every time something good happens that we want to remember or tell the other person about, we write it down and share it with each other once we’re together again. This is a way to feel connected to your person while being physically separated.
So, if you find yourself in a long-distance relationship right now in the pandemic, know whatever you’re feeling, you’re not alone. Many of us find ourselves separated from our partners in this crazy time, unsure of when you’ll be together again. Reminisce the beginning days of your relationship, make time for each other, have virtual dates, send care packages, figure out when you’ll be together again and most of all just support your partner. Be there for them. It’s a weird and confusing time for everyone and the only way to make it easier is to support the ones you love. Support your partner in school, in their family life and keep pushing to grow together. Become each other’s best friend. If you take one thing away from this article, please keep growing with your partner. This will make your relationship stronger. If you can make it through months of distance, you can make it through anything.