As dating culture becomes increasingly popularized by media like Love Island and Too Hot To Handle, self-fulfillment has fallen to the wayside. Romantic relationships are highly coveted and sought after among Gen Z, leading to an increased epidemic of loneliness among all genders. A modern concept that has been popularized by social media is the idea of solo dating. The art of the solo date takes tons of preparation, both physically and mentally. Even just getting out the door is one hurdle in a series of many. My journey in solo dating started (and ended, what can I say, I’m a foodie) with mastering the art of solo dining. That popular date spot downtown with Victorian-inspired decor? I’m in there. That upscale cafe with an hour-long wait just to have a croissant waffle that went viral on TikTok exactly one time? I’m in there too! In this article, I’ll share my life hacks for demystifying solo dining and taking the fear (and anxiety) right out of it so you too can be a proud party of one!
- WAY 1: Dress to impress.
Picture yourself getting all dolled up – hair, makeup, earrings, heels – for a mysterious suitor. Someone who won’t judge your acne flare-up or rip in your tights. Someone who’s eagerly awaiting your arrival. Now look in the mirror and say hello – that someone is you! I’m a big fan of getting dressed up for nowhere. Rather than lounging around in my name-dingy pjs all day on my days off, I slide into some more comfortable loungewear and look forward to a nice, relaxing date with me, myself, and I. The same principle applies to solo dining: start looking forward to getting all dressed up to take yourself out. If you look good, you feel good!
- WAY 2: Find a nice physical book to read or listen to an audiobook.
Parties of one often get locked into a familiar cycle — doomscrolling on their phones instead of enjoying the world around them. It can be remarkably easy to fall into the same pattern that keeps us glued to our screens 24/7. One of my favorite places to go on a solo date that I’d highly recommend is a modern French-inspired Asian bakery chain that recently opened in downtown Montclair. The comfy vibes of Tous Le Jors Montclair lulled me into a false sense of security, and I lost hours spent only connecting with my TikTok for you page. I left a little despondent and didn’t feel very good about myself, seeing my other friends and mutuals going on fun trips and having movie nights with their friends. No amount of ooey-gooey honeydew milk bread and tangy lemon cream donuts could distract me from my loneliness. My biggest advice? Read a book. Allow yourself the opportunity to connect with a physical text in your hands. Maybe it’s something for class you’ve been procrastinating on, or the latest Tessa Bailey novel that your FYP has been hyping up. Carrying a book with me always makes me feel busy and accomplished when I’m ready to head back home. It gives me something to look forward to and is a hobby that helps me spend time reconnecting with myself at the end of a long week of classes and assignments.
Recently, I underwent the arduous task of getting a reservation for one at one of NYC’s most popular restaurants. Nestled under the Manhattan Bridge across the street from the critically-acclaimed cafe Banh by Lauren is a cozy, intimate diner that offers a comfortable experience that leads their Resy to be booked for weeks in advance. Straddling the borders of Chinatown and Two Bridges, Golden Diner is a classic diner owned by chef Sam Yoo that fuses Asian flavors with the familiar local dining experience that many New Yorkers know all too well. My dirty shell top sneakers led me down the street toward the restaurant, and I couldn’t help but take notice of the small queue outside. I peered through the window…and directly into the cell phone of the man sitting facing away from me, who declared himself “so stuffed, he couldn’t possibly handle any more” and still went in for another bite. Since I was fighting off a cold and refused to give away my reservation again, I ordered a cup of hot tea alongside the wildly popular honey butter pancakes with a side of berry compote. The potency of the lemon glaze was way more pronounced than I expected, singeing my nose hairs and cleaning my sinuses (which I was more than grateful for). My pancakes disappeared as quickly as they’d arrived, an enriching eating experience that drew the eye of the mother and son at the table next to mine. We made small chat over the food and the weather, and they bid me farewell when I decided to head home before my fever escalated past boiling point.
- WAY 3: People watch.
In the summer, I like to wear sunglasses and stare directly at the passerbys, knowing they can’t see me and don’t know where I’m looking. My next best piece of advice for responsible solo dining is to people-watch watch observe the people around you. It’s important to be self-aware in public in general, and people watching can help train you to be more aware of your surroundings. Every stranger has a story to tell. Keeping stock of your surroundings is a great way to stay engaged with the moment that you are in right now and prevent yourself from straying too far into negative thoughts. People watching is one of my favorite hobbies – a little light voyeurism never hurt anybody! Shakespeare did a whole lot of it, and it only rewarded him with fame and the ubiquitous nature that we attribute to him in the modern era. When I write, I like to pull from real-life conversations and experiences that happen to me and translate them into my stories and articles. Going out and observing people is a great way for me to get ideas for articles and assignments!
- WAY 4: Talk to people!
Tying directing into Way 3, Way 4 advises communication and conversation, even with people you don’t know. So you grew tired of watching and decided to chat up the barista at your local coffee chain. Only if you’re comfortable, chatting up the people around you is a great way to destigmatize the act of solo dining as a whole. People connect over shared lived experiences that could be anything from attending the same workout class to surviving a natural disaster together, a la Twisters. You might have come there alone, but the chances that you make a friend or even just meet someone new are at an all-time high if you put yourself out there. If we approached making friends in public like connecting with random peers on LinkedIn, the loneliness epidemic would hit rock bottom! Take your own advice on how to make friends, do what’s best for you. I like compliments; they’re a great way to shimmy yourself into someone’s head and make sure you stay there for longer than one interaction. If a sharply dressed person walked up to me and complimented my style, I’d feel good for days, and it would be enough self-confidence to float me back to my dorm like a hot air balloon of kindness and self-love.
- WAY 5: Try something new!
A fan favorite restaurant of mine is Cornbread, a soul food joint off Bloomfield Avenue in downtown Montclair. There’s a location local to me in Brooklyn as well – it always helps remind me that home is never too far away. A part of my culture is stewed oxtail, which is most commonly a Caribbean dish that has its roots in Pan-African and Asian cuisines. A big part of solo dining is stepping out of your comfort zone, and what better way to do that than trying something new! A new cuisine, a new cafe, maybe even a new dish that you’ve seen on the menu but skipped over before. Rewarding yourself for taking yourself out might mean getting dessert at a place you’ve never been to before.Â
Being afraid to go to that cool new fusion spot or see a romantic comedy solo is more than likely the result of this new social culture that prevents us from enjoying our own company. Societal pressures to get into a relationship are holding a lot of us back from having fun. This often leads to people forgetting to love themselves before preparing to love someone else. Simply getting out the door and pushing past that anxiety could lead you to a sweet treat or new company! Connecting with yourself is an essential step before you’re able to connect with anyone else, and it will for sure help you with self-love in the long run!