Putting All of Your Eggs in One Basket: The Break-Down of a Long Term Relationship

Being in a relationship is great. You always have someone to rely on, cry on, and depend on. The perks of having a long term relationship, is that all of the awkward and sometimes painful starter points of a relationship are already out, and you’re free to be 100 % yourself at all times. You’ve found someone who compliments and completes you, and you’re among the lucky ones who found it early.

The scary part about long term relationships though is the inevitable doubt that comes with it. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be exploring more options? Is this person really someone I see myself with much further down the road? Did I waste my college years on just one guy?

Here are some pros and cons to being a collegiate in a long term relationship:
 

Pros:

Major differences are usually worked out

Schedules and quirks are fixed

You’re completely comfortable with each other

You always have someone to go out with

There’s someone there to counter every possible feeling and need

You’re not on the market looking for someone and lonely when you’re rejected

Cons:

New problems may arise

The ‘spark’ is gone

Conflicting schedules result in less time and interest

You’re bored doing the same things when you go out

One or both of you has stopped trying as hard as you did when you first started dating

You’re restricted

You feel trapped

If you still battle with if you made the right decision making a long term commitment to one guy, take a step back and breathe. Think about you first, and what you want out of life and your relationships and keep these questions in mind:

Do you want the same things?

By the one year mark, both of you need to be sure you’re on the same page. If you both are set on wanting a long term relationships, then you’re perfectly fine. Make sure that you’re both willing to deal with conflicting schedules, school, etc. and don’t get too fussy when real life takes more precedence than your relationship. If you’re both truly happy together, having worked with each other’s schedules and know you’re on the same life path, then congratulations, you’ve got a keeper.

Where do you see yourself in another year?

When you picture your life, your job, your living situation in one year from the current date, is everything your boyfriend is still in the picture? If it is, then great, you’ve got a partner that you’re sure to be happy with for quite some time. If not, it may be time to have a talk. Maybe he’s a great guy and you don’t want to let him go. But know it’s not fair to keep dragging him along thinking that you’ll be together forever. In that case, honesty is the best policy. It may hurt at first for him, especially if he had already mentally prepared his entire life with you in it, but in the end, it’ll be the best option for you both. You’ll only be mad at yourself, and your boyfriend more for things left unsaid.

Are you regretting your decision of limiting yourself?

If you constantly find yourself looking around at a crowded bar for entertainment outside your boyfriend, or you regret that you have to drag him along to everything in the first place, this could be a sign that things have died down. Approach the issue and try to work things out. Perhaps he feels the same way too, and you can make things amicable. Or maybe he just needs to know that you’re starting to feel like things are too comfortable, or that you want to explore other options. These are delicate things to bring up, so always proceed with honesty and kindness.

Ultimately collegiate, the choice is up to you. If you’re the kind of girl that wants long term commitment and to find a best friend in your boyfriend, then seek a long term relationship. But if you’re the type of girl that would prefer to explore her options and keep her choices on a more short term scale too, then embrace that. The most important thing to remember when dealing with long term relationships is don’t try to be something you’re not, because in the end, all parties involved are left hurt and soured by the union of a relationship. And besides, when we’re this young and have our whole lives to look forward to, there’s no reason to spend any of it unhappy.