A Pep Talk for a Confused Soul in a Contradicting Generation

This is for those who no longer want to read positive quotes for inspiration. This is for those who no longer find the same bliss in getting lost in words or ideas. This is for those who want to live in reality but would also prefer to dwell in their thoughts, their perfect dreamland. This is for those who feel like they've been having an “off” day their whole lives.

There's a beauty in dreaming, and planning. We all do it. We all say today I'm going to delete my Instagram, drown everyone out, and not pick up any phone calls. We say today is the day we're going to really get organized, delete all our photos that are clogging our storage space, and stop caring what other people think about us.

We try different techniques to be better. We read blog posts like this one and are all searching for the best way to not give a crap and live our truth but we also are always worried about what everyone else is doing and how we are perceived.

We want to be everywhere but also nowhere at all. We want to be the main attraction of the Snapchat story, have the perfect Instagram feed, and make sure we post just enough to show that we're still content with our lives but not too much that social media seems like our only lives.

We want to be antisocial, and cold-hearted, yet we crave interaction and the warmth of friendship. We don't want to hang out with anyone today, and no we really don't want to come to your birthday gathering, but if we don't we might regret it later and it would make us look rude.

We are contradictions, we never know what we want, we never follow our example. We are humans.

Knowing all of this, why are we so hard on ourselves? On others? We all have this self-righteous attitude of what we find morally right, just, and what we would or would not allow in our lives, but we make mistakes all the time.

We fear vulnerability because it makes us weak, but we like vulnerability because it makes us relatable. That's how we make friends. But when we butt heads with people that vulnerability goes out the window and our quest to prove we're the most bitchin’ badass begins as we ignore and avoid the feelings of others and try to prove our point to the death of us. We only try to reconcile when we can't take the silence anymore. We only try to reconcile when it's too late.

You know how it goes, and so do I. I too am a walking, talking contradiction. I want to spread so much love and instill others with the confidence and power it takes for them to get through this crazy thing we simply call “life”. At the same time, I feel used, abused and unheard. I don't want to read any more self-help posts, I don't want to talk someone's ear off with advice just for them to choose their own path, and I don't want to carry around people’s pain and burden around like it's a badge.

I'm tired.

But sleep won't fix this. Sleep won't heal any of us. We need effort, understanding, and empathy. We need people like you and me who are tired but still find a way every day to try to see the rainbow beyond the storm.

Don't ever lose that raw charm. Not that you were going to, but here is that reminder you needed.