Dear Bad Habits,
First, I would like to thank you for your consistency. If I didn’t see the effort you put in day in and day out, I would’ve never grown to appreciate you. Without you, I wouldn’t be constantly reminded that I still have some work to do on myself and some bugs in my software. I reference myself as a machine because like clockwork, you never fail to do your job on time.
What was that favorite habit of yours again? I think it was the ride you like to take down memory lane back into the not-so-nice moments with not-so-nice people. As a matter of fact, we took that ride just last night and thought it would be a good idea to be nostalgic about old relationships. We saw how that panned out. I guess that’s why they have the saying, “you go looking for something long enough, you’ll find it.” It’s funny when you come to think of it. All along we thought that it would be a harmless trip, but it soon turned into a night full of resentment and a harsh conversation with ourselves. But your job isn’t to console, you simply do what you come to do and leave without a word. Unfortunately for you, I recognized that habit and intend to cut it short the next time it wants to clock in early.
Since we’re on the topic, do you remember that time we decided to push our boundaries and continue to talk to the guy who we knew we weren’t all that interested in? Excuse me, I meant to say each time because we both know we tend to do it with every boy that we meet. That’s something else I forgot to give you gratitude for. Without you, I wouldn’t have recognized that the ones we have dealt with were still in their premature stages of being boys. Don’t worry, I think I’ve finally learned the true difference between a man and a boy, and it will no longer be an issue from here on out. You tried to convince me that the attention was more important than the mediocre conversation and sweet nothings. You were wrong, as usual. But, I was wrong too. I wanted to be blind to the unhealthy things I was doing so I covered them up with the band-aid of “it’s what I’m used to.” I realized that those box of band-aids were old and outdated and needed to be thrown out.
See, I can acknowledge now who you are and what your intentions are. You never intended to let me break free of you because we got so comfortable being latched on to each other. We almost became friends. I’m just sorry that it took me so long to wake up to that and start detaching. I can detach and begin to unlearn what you have taught me. I can stop attending your training sessions and begin to forget those moves I did so naturally each day. You will no longer be a mechanism. You will no longer be a crutch to excuse all of my wrongdoings. We are coming to the end of our ride and though you may come to visit once in a while, I promise that you won’t be staying for long. Goodbye, my old friend, I hope I don’t see you soon.
The One That Got Away