Sex. The word that you would never dream about bringing up at the dinner table is now table talk on campus. It comes up in almost every theory discussion you’ve ever had in class, it’s an ice breaker at parties and even the college health office disrupts class from time to time to hand out free condoms – not to mention it seems like everyone is doing it. Hell, the couple next door’s sex is practically your alarm clock on Saturdays. And it seems that a girl’s night out now would be incomplete if the topic of sex (along with everyone’s good and bad sex stories) didn’t come up. There’s just one problem: you’ve never had it.
Well, this is awkward.
Or at least that’s what society wants you think. However, it really isn’t. In fact, Kathleen Bogle, Ph.D., author of Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, says that 25% of women in college are still virgins. So why do we feel shame in our “lack” of game? In a world of unemotional, no strings attached sex, it seems the simple truth is this: society makes us feel this idea of waiting is against the norm when it obviously isn’t. For some, it might be that they desire a special, emotional commitment to be established before they can go all the way. For others it might just be that they don’t feel like going all the way yet. Regardless of the reason, it’s important to realize that waiting or being a virgin is far from wrong and far from uncommon.
When Her Campus National asked real college girls how long they waited to have sex with a guy, 41% of them answered “I’m a virgin.” No shame in their game! When asked at what age they lost their virginity, #TeamVirgin took the cake with 43%! But if virginity is so common and actually the norm, why do sexually active people respond so negatively to it? Blame it on the media, blame it on the entertainment business, blame it on whoever you want. What’s important is that this is addressed along with some type of etiquette for sexually active people speaking to non-sexually active people.
To prove our point, HC Montclair asked around and received replies from some of our very own girls on campus about the reactions they’ve gotten regarding their virginity.
“No! Wait… You’re Lying!!”
It’s not that big of a deal to me. Why would I lie about that?
– Kirsten R. 19, Sophomore.
“You don’t act like a virgin. You don’t look like one either.”
Like, I don’t understand! What does a virgin a look like? I know what some virgin Brazilian hair looks like! *laughs* But seriously though, I didn’t know we had a certain look or acted a certain way. I act like me. I don’t get how that has anything to do with anything. My sex life is my business.
– K. Swan 19, Sophomore
“Oh no! We gotta take care of that!”
Um, what makes you think I want you to do that?! If I wanted you to take care of it, I would have asked.
– S. Hurtarte, 19, Sophomore
“Are you just going to save it for marriage so it’s not weird?”
That question makes me so mad. But in all seriousness I have genuinely thought: at this point in my life I might as well just say I’m waiting until I get married so it doesn’t seem like I’ve truly been super lonely this whole time. But why do I have to feel that way?! It’s not even that big of a deal.
– Danielle R. 18, Freshman (Stockton University)
Sigh. Ladies, it is so not right to be interrogated like this over your personal choices. It’s also completely okay that sex isn’t on the table for you right now – let alone your ideal table talk. However, don’t be afraid to speak your mind and speak up for yourself! It’s okay that you aren’t up for sex or the conversation of it. And just because you aren’t, doesn’t mean you should be shamed of that. Own your confidence! There’s a lot of things you need to know, love and understand about yourself and your body before you share it with someone else.
If you’re feeling alone in this seemingly sex-crazed world, link up with some girls in the same scenario! Share some laughs about being a rare unicorn and we promise, you’ll realize that girls like you, aren’t so rare.
However, if you’re still feeling insecure about it, HC Montclair rounded up some celebrities you may shocked to find out you can relate to on this topic!
Adriana Lima
Yep, the highest paid Victoria’s Secret Model (and devout Roman Catholic) saved her virginity for her husband at the age of 27. Further proof that sexiness comes from confidence, not sex.
Lolo Jones
The 33 year old olympic gold medalist will be saving her virginity for marriage. “There are virgins out there and I’m going to let them know, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Harder than training for the Olympics, harder than graduating from college has been to stay a virgin before marriage.” While it might not be the easiest thing to do, she won’t compromise her beliefs. “It’s just something, a gift I want to give my husband,” she says. “I just want to have that solid bond.”
Tina Fey
The Mean Girls screenwriter and co-star remained a virgin until she was 24.
After finding herself on a list of celebrity virgins, including Lima, Fey joked, “See, all the other people… that was a choice on their part. That one lady’s a Victoria’s Secret model. She made a choice. . . I couldn’t give it away.” But it turns out the waiting paid off as that guy she waited for ended up being her husband of now 14 years with whom she has two beautiful daughters!
So, when it comes down to it, don’t ever think of your virginity as a handicap. These are just three ladies that didn’t let something so menial hinder their success so don’t let your virginity hinder you. Take note of them! Their sex lives don’t define who they are, their successes do. There will be urges and opportunities and whether you are saving yourself or waiting for the time that you feel most comfortable, remember you don’t have to take every offer and it should only happen when you’re ready. Your sex life is your business and your body is your body. Meanwhile, embrace, love and enjoy yourself. After all, there’s a lot more to enjoy than just sex in the city!