Dear me,
This is the start of a new journey and it won’t be easy. It’s funny you’ve said this to yourself about a million times, but you haven’t taken the steps until now. You finally stopped and just stood still. You chose yourself. You chose to stop putting everything and everyone above you. You chose to take a step back and breathe.
I wanna let you know that it’s okay. You’ve come such a long way and it’s okay to just focus on you now. So much has time has gone into worrying and stressing over everyone else when all they’ve wanted was for you to be okay. It was easier to put the attention on others because less and less could be drawn to you. You purposely take on the emotions and burdens of others just so you don’t have to talk about you — but no more.
No more fronts. No more fake smiles. What you’re going through is more important. You are just as worthy as everyone else. I want you to know that all that hurt, all that pain, all that suffering does not define you. You will not let it consume you. You know why? Because all that love you have within you doesn’t deserve it. Because that powerful light you have will grow dim. You will lose. You will defeat yourself. So from now on you will focus on self-healing, self-growing, and self-loving. And every day you will repeat these three affirmations:
I am enough.
I am beautiful.
I will get through this.
Love, me
I wrote this January 5th of this year and the person I was then would be amazed at the person that I am today. I now know that I am enough. I now know that I am beautiful. I now know that I will get through any challenge that I encounter. My voice was small and unheard because it was ignored and dismissed by its main confidant, myself.
I believed that being lost was a horrible and negative thing and never once did I accept it as part of my path. After a few detours and misguided routes, I came to a decision that I just needed to adjust my lenses. I began looking at being lost as a gift and used that as an initiative to truly get to know me for the first time.
Everything is easier said than done. I can tell you that the night before move-in day, I was weeping out of loneliness and pressure. Though, I can also tell you that the way I see myself now is incomparable to the woman I was yesterday. So, I take it as this: You win some. That’s it. I know everyone was expecting the next line to be, “you lose some.”
But in reality, you aren’t losing anything if you’re staying on your path and making yourself a priority. So, instead of binge-watching all Nicholas Sparks movies hoping and praying for the day that someone will come and save you from whatever you’re going through, lift yourself up. Give yourself a pat on the back. Love yourself enough to say, I don’t need a Romeo because I am my own.