By: Allexea Desuyo
Something that I learned over the past few months is that we will naturally miss people who have made an impact on our lives. But letting them back in isn’t always the best idea. We re-open a door we closed for specific reasons and have difficulty re-establishing the boundaries we worked so hard to set.
I was just recently told something by my friend Taylor that made me change my perspective on the people we leave behind. She told me that it’s okay to miss someone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to open the door for them to return. There’s a person I miss, and it makes me wonder if I should text them. I sit for days pondering if it’s a good idea to let them back in. Yet for some reason, I could never do it. Hearing that gave me more clarity on why we shouldn’t let them in if they had already left. If that person was meant to stay in your life, would they have left in the first place?
Therefore, I did not send that person a message. After all the emotional distress I was put through, what is the purpose of allowing them back in to do it again? If a person is your “friend,” why would they allow you to suffer and FEEL those emotions?
I’m going off on a tangent but these feelings are not slight and should not be suppressed. Instead, you should allow yourself to feel these emotions but better deal with them. How can you do so? Give yourself grace and rationalize your thoughts. For example, remind yourself that it’s okay to miss someone who has made such a strong impact on you (after all, you wouldn’t miss them if they didn’t). But afterward, go over why they aren’t there in the first place. It could be a breakup or wrongdoing, or just naturally drifting apart.
What if you can’t stop thinking about them? The main thing you can do to separate yourself from those feelings is to take advantage of your time in more useful or meaningful ways. What I mean by this is picking up a new hobby, or doing things you already enjoy such as spending time with friends/family. Not only does this keep your mind off of the topic, but it also reminds you of all the good you already have in your life.
Here’s a possibility: what if this person messages you first? How do you keep those boundaries up? One instance is not responding at all or blocking the person. By not responding or blocking them, you’re not giving them access to you or your thoughts. If you feel inclined to respond, the best way is to keep it simple and straightforward. Ask about their intentions in contacting you and let them know that they do not have room in your life anymore. Sometimes that’s the best way to keep those boundaries up for good, and they (most likely) won’t contact you anymore.
This article isn’t meant to tell you who you can and cannot allow back into your life. It is meant to help you think before you do. It’s very important to remember that your space and peace is always something that should be protected; one simple way to do so is to make sure you’re allowing the right people into your life who make you feel good about yourself.