We have all been there: sitting in traffic, jamming to some Christmas tunes, bored beyond belief, and start to take notice of the other drivers around you. Now, I think it is safe to say that I am not the only creepy one here that has noticed the different types of drivers. I’m not talking about ones that think the dotted lines separating two lanes means nothing, or the ones who like to step on their brakes every 3-4 seconds. No, I’m talking about these kind of drivers …
The Texters
It is merely impossible to not have texting and driving within the same sentence, in this day-and-age. If I had a penny for the amount of people I see texting and driving during a commute, let’s just say, my phenomenal amount of school loans would be paid off so fast, I wouldn’t have to have hysterical breakdowns about them every other day. Don’t you love it when they swerve into your lane, and you almost die, but THANK GOD, their Snapchat streak was saved, just in time. I mean, I’ve even seen people with both hands on the phone. Unless you’re a character from Monsters Inc. and have another hand to hold the wheel, that’s probably not the BEST idea.
The Multitaskers
These people I give major props to. It’s one thing to drive and take a sip of your coffee at the same time. It’s a whole other thing when you see people driving, putting some whipped cream cheese on their toasted bagel, and fixing their hair, all at the same time. I was fascinated to see one woman contouring her cheekbones, Kim Kardashian style and applying mascara, all while driving a smooth 65 mph. I yearn to have that talent one day. I saw a father entertaining and feeding his toddler fruit snacks another morning, while reading the paper in between, at red lights. Not all heroes wear capes, people.
The Late Ones … and the Not-So-Late Ones
I get it. Believe me, I get it. My alarm has conveniently not gone off some mornings, and caused me to rush a little bit on my ride to wherever I’m going. However, that does not mean you need to ride my ass, and swerve in-and-out of lanes so often you get whiplash – and give me whiplash from watching you do it.
And towards the other end of the spectrum, I get it. You woke up on time. Hell, you woke up ten minutes before your alarm. You had time to check up on social media before leaving the house and extra time to eat your breakfast like a human where you there is no rush to inhale it. But some of us didn’t. So please, just because you are not-so-late, doesn’t give you any right to drive in the left lane, driving slower than the squirrel that just passed us. And then refuse to move over. I am trying to keep my road rage to a minimum and you’re making it extremely difficult.
The Gross Habit Ones
All I have to say about these drivers is, your windows maybe be tinted, but they are not a one way mirror, and we can all see your finger is not on the steering wheel, and instead, busy picking your – well, say no more. You get the point.
The American Idol Contestants
These are my personal favorite types of drivers. Picture this. Driving down the parkway, you just rapped an entire verse of your current favorite Drake song (and improvised some of your own words), and pass another driving doing, well, the same exact thing. Maybe it’s just me, but, nothing is better than seeing someone singing at the top of their lungs, like their life depends on it. I relate to them on a whole other level. A great kick start to your day, man.
At the end of the day, I’d bet the whole seven dollars in my wallet that any driver encounters another one of these types of drivers on their morning commute. And if not, well, start trying to take notice, don’t worry about looking a little creepy.