A mess of events has led seemingly popular Instagram blogger Caroline Calloway into a spiral of hostile and accusatory posts in recent days. The turn of mood, though provoked by prior controversy in December 2018, has gone out of control since her ex-best friend, Natalie Beach, published her essay in The Cut on September 10th, 2019. While most have taken to Twitter to rave about the drama and/or “silliness” of it all, I instead felt the need to talk about little snippets of the essay which made me begin to second guess Beach’s accuracy.
Having had an extensive look into social psychology and personas in my recent classes for PY207, I felt that this essay was exhibiting a lot of issues with Beach’s memory and tendency to overexaggerate conflicts. Though Beach is by no means directly accusing Calloway, there are times in the essay which makes it feel like she is implying that she would not be in certain situations had it not been for Calloway. Through Natalie Beach’s essay, she exhibits psychological and cognitive issues such as the hindsight and self-serving bias as well as using anecdotes which highlight her low self-esteem to create a pathetic appeal for her side of the friendship.
Natalie Beach’s recollection of her experience being friends/ghostwriter with/for Caroline Calloway has a lot of areas in which the hindsight bias is in play. I took a few quotes (which I will integrate) that focus primarily on Beach’s own reflection of times when the bias comes into play. When Beach goes home to live with her mother, there is a small exchange between the two where her mother gives a little “I-told-you-so” and Beach replies with “[y]eah, no shit” (Beach par. 19).
For the sake of discussion and review, the hindsight bias is a tendency to underestimate one’s own knowledge of a situation despite having the common sense to notice it after the fact. What this means in relation to Beach that her constant references to “foreshadows” throughout the piece are not for dramatic effect, but rather as after-the-fact memories to warnings and signs that her relationship with Calloway was toxic. Beach even acknowledges at one point that
“[she] had built [her] whole career around [her] commitment to [Calloway’s] persona — crafting it, caring for it, and trying [her] hardest to copy it” (par. 51).
Calloway’s first Instagram post, noted by Beach to be their first caption written together.
This reflection quite possibly is the creation of Beach’s thoughts in 2019 looking back to the way she was in 2016. This new-found “persona” may have come in response to news coverage and her own feelings toward Calloway’s recent “scams” and fame. In Beach’s frame of mind in 2016, she was still focused on fixing Calloway and making sure she was healthy. She would not have been thinking about her possible personas at a time when Calloway could barely manage to live on her own.
Beach also struggles with self-esteem issues that bring an onset of insecure comments and an abundance of those hindsight biases mentioned above. She is constantly second-guessing herself and almost blaming herself for not seeing things clearer. She displays loneliness and anxiety, two of the four factors that the textbook associated with low self-esteem. As well, her short anecdotes with her sexual life even show signs of the self-serving bias: her tendency to blame Calloway for Beach’s own shortcomings through backhanded compliments.
Tweet reflecting the backlash towards Beach’s article.
Looking at the essay in its entirety, despite the few places where Beach exhibits praise toward Calloway, it seems as if Beach is blaming Calloway for her looks is the reason she was in a disgusting apartment or rejected by men. Granted, Beach does often write that “men treat [Calloway] very differently than they treat [her],” but then compares herself to Calloway in the next line (par. 37). She does not stop comparing herself and even implies that the boys at the bar and the bartender rejected her because Calloway had their attention then left.
This controversy comes at a time when a wave of YouTuber disputes has swept the internet, most of which have handled it in this strange backhanded way of placing blame. According to Psychology Today, there are six ways to have an effective apology: “expression of regret, explanation of what went wrong., acknowledgment of responsibility, declaration of repentance, offer of repair, [and a] request for forgiveness” (Morin par. 3). YouTubers like Jake Paul or RiceGum say the words ‘I’m Sorry’ but lack most of the expectations on the list. In fact, they sometimes outright indicate that the problem was not their fault or they felt the apology was unneeded but they were forced into doing it.
TMartn apology comes under scrutiny for lack of sympathy and emotion.
The same can go for Beach, though this is more of a confessional rather than an apology. Beach is exposing her friend in one way or another even if she is trying to explain Calloway’s actions. She is avoiding putting the responsibility on the person and is rather blaming the circumstances fully, all the while almost writing herself to be the victim. Beach’s mental grasp of Calloway’s actions lay in her inability to see that it is not the substance but rather the substance abuse, that she has toxic relationships, and she refuses to be professionally treated for her mental illnesses. At some point, those factors do take a toll on the person, but at the same time, that person has multiple ways to overcome said factors.
Instagram comments on one of Calloway’s latest posts.
Calloway had already been under scrutiny back in December after she was accused of scamming people out of $165 to attend a workshop (Business Insider par. 2). The immense amount of criticism caused her to drop the workshop altogether after promising a tour, self-made care packages, and food.
Wochit short clip overviewing scandal.
What can a person learn from controversies such as these when both parties exhibit some sort of mental problem and have had a painful bout in lacking communication? Is it difficult when it appears that both friends had done something psychologically terrible to the other? Of course, especially when that lack of communication backfires and creates a deeper rift. Calloway has resorted to multiple posts in one day as well as abusing drugs and alcohol more than ever, meanwhile, Beach has remained mostly silent. To anyone wanting answers, the best lies in whether or not you believe that the problem is no longer in your hands. To anyone who needs it, please do not hesitate to ask for help. (1,126 words).
Substance Abuse (SAMHSA) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE
Work Cited
“Https://Media.giphy.com/Media/gmg7s5bBQzlN6/Giphy.gif.” Https://Media.giphy.com/Media/
gmg7s5bBQzlN6/Giphy.gif, Giphy.
Beach, Natalie. “The Story of Caroline Calloway & Her Ghostwriter Natalie.” The Cut, 10 Sept.
2019, https://www.thecut.com/2019/09/the-story-of-caroline-calloway-and-her-ghostwriter-natalie.html.
Calloway, Caroline. “Nothing like waking up…,” Instagram, 16 September 2019,
https://www.instagram.com/p/B2b2BZchnJl/
Calloway, Caroline. “The only problems with…,” Instagram, domdom_k, jackieanned,
robotjane, 16 September 2019, https://www.instagram.com/p/B2cXb7GhvES/
Calloway, Caroline. “YOU GUYS. My first Instagram post…,” Instagram, Natalie Beach, 5
June 2012, https://www.instagram.com/p/LgjBWLnepB/
Carloto, Orion (orionnichole). “yes caroline calloway is like…” 11 September 2019, 12:34 PM.
Tweet.
Morin, Amy. “The Most Important Part of an Apology (and the Least).” Psychology Today, Sussex
Publishers, 14 Apr. 2016, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-
mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201604/the-most-important-part-apology-and-the-least.
Viral Videos. “I’m Sorry (Reuploaded) Tmartn’s response to CS:GO Lotto ownership Scandal.”
Youtube, 6 July 2016, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smLaCRvGsDA
Witt, Laura (Femmefeministe). “One facet of that essay…” 11 September 2019, 11:35 AM.
Tweet.
Wochit Entertainment. “Caroline Calloway Continues To Get A Lot Of Attention.” Youtube, 13
September 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpDG41kLgTA