To you girls,
I thought losing my best friends was the end of the world. Throughout our lives we have gone through groups of friends together yet I’ve always stuck by you two. I’ve always known how you guys were feeling and major events coming up. It was comforting being able to constantly have you both to lean on, someone to know my life completely, as well to make sure I was okay.
After college began it was never the same. We all can agree that we started to drift every time a new school semester started. Of course, we came back and hung out like nothing happened, but we were distant. Our group chat was never answered and I honestly started to give up because I felt ignored. We started to drift when I got a boyfriend. I enjoyed hanging out with my boyfriend. He is my best friend and you both knew that. When I started to hang out with him, you did not feel the need to invite me to functions, because I was “busy.” Of course, you both had boyfriends also, but it was convenient because they were a part of the friend group.
I did not feel included when my boyfriend would come back to town. You did not support our relationship or want to be a part of that life. This dragged me away from the connection that we have always had. I understand that him and I had a history but that it wasn’t necessarily bad because it was just not the right timing. I felt hurt and disappointed that you did not like him even though you never made the effort to even meet or talk to him.
My boyfriend eventually made me feel more accepted and loved than what I had ever felt. When COVID hit us were not able to hangout anymore, but we didn’t even keep touch online. I remember being so excited to have a longer spring break. I wanted to be with you both and have so much fun girl time that we always did. I called you both, one didn’t answer, and the other seemed not happy at all that I was coming home. More and more time went on that we didn’t speak, and it got the point where I realized we must not be friends anymore.
It hurt me to see you both gathering throughout the time we were home and going out together. It took weeks and months trying to understand what happened and why that happened. Still to this day I don’t truly understand because I don’t think there was ever just one incident that broke us all apart. We have always had hardships throughout our relationship. I always kept going back to you no matter if I was never the first option. I felt that I needed to because we were best friends, and I really did not have anyone else.
I thought we were going to be friends forever but that seems middle school of me to say. Honestly nothing lasts forever. After being a part of each other’s lives for so long, we all started to become a whole. Losing you made me feel like I was losing a part of me. I cherish the good and the bad from our time together, but I truly feel like I’ve grown more than I could ever..
Of course, I’ll miss those times of us all together, having four-day long sleepovers, making music videos, screaming to songs in the car, spontaneously going to the reservoir, having jamborees, and gathering for every occasion. But I think we can all agree it was probably for the best. I was tired of being a second option and not receiving what I’ve needed from a supportive friend. It made me alone and isolated with my thoughts. But this separation forced me to find who I really am.
I now understand myself better, understand my values and what I love to do in life. I accept the silence and alone time more often and realized I grow better alone. That is when I can really process my feelings better and not hide behind a fake face. It won’t ever be the same and I’m not sure if I’ll ever find friends that I have that deep of a connection with. But I thank you for being a part of my process in growing while we were still young. I’m sorry we most likely won’t be going to each other’s weddings now, like we always planned, but our time together will always be remembered. Thank you for being a part of me.
Love, Jacklyn