Welcome, ladies, to one of the most annoying, FOMO causing, nostalgic action of cyber stalking. You can choose from your line up of social media: Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, LinkedIn(?). Let’s face it, you’ve done it at least once, twice, maybe even every week or so in a continual cycle. There’s this guilt that accompanies it, the sneaking around the app to find the most secure way to get to their page. All the while you are attempting to NOT like their photo.
So, the question comes… is it okay? Is it healthy to cyber stalk your exes? In the long run, no. But if used for the right reasons, this can provide feelings of closure, especially for relationships that ended abruptly without reason.
Of course, there is a negative connotation to the word stalk which takes on its own string of red flags. This is not for the people who track their exes nightly or obsess over them 24/7. Those are signs of an unhealthy relationship, regardless of if they are still in contact with you or not.
Cyber stalking your ex can have some benefits, I will admit. There is this reassuring feeling when you see they’ve moved on. That abrupt end of relationship can cause issues with both ends, depending on the reason for break up. Personally, I’ve had to end my past two relationships myself and the events to follow were all but torture for both ends. Granted, I did not handle either well. My solace came from checking in every so often to see their progress. Was my first ex going to be okay mentally? Did they finally seek the help they so tried to suck from me? These answers I was able to get through Facebook and finding that a psychiatrist had gotten in touch with him. I knew that he was working on not only improving his mental self, but his physical well-being and moving on in his life.
The second I hoped would be able to improve from the experience. I will admit that I was the one who moved on quickly, which is what brought the relationship to the end. I was afraid that by leaving him for someone else that that would cause a personality change. I didn’t want to be the one that he looks back to and said “yeah, that’s the one that made me this way.” When he popped on my feed with different adventures I was proud to see he’s moved on.
There’s reassurance in checking up on them every once in a while. After, exes were people you cared for at some point or another, and both relationships lasted nearly two years each.
One of my closest friends had gone through a rough breakup with his girlfriend of three years. Her distancing from him and picking fights led to their end without any solid reason. Once the relationship ended, he took to Instagram just to look and saw that she almost immediately began to date this other guy. While extremely bummed for a lack of better words, he took that as a moment of closure for him. Multiple ideas were running through his head and he could not wrap around any of them, but finding out online, while terrible in itself, helped him find that resolution.
As for the people who cyber stalk for competition, ammo for fights, etc, that is an extreme red flag. Please stop right where you are, girl. You do not need to check up on your ex for some ego boost or fuel for arguments. That is unhealthy for yourself mentally, and it would be worth it to block them for your own sake.
Keep in mind that my experience as well as my friend’s are isolated cases. I will say that I have had my fair share of the worrying type of cyber stalking which was either done to me or that I’ve witnessed. The occasional click onto their page for check in I would deem as being healthy, but checking every day and feeling jealous about it is not.
Don’t feel guilty, ladies, as long as your intentions are good and you aren’t reeking havoc.