Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with both generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. Every day, I wake up feeling anxious to the point where I struggle to get things done. When it’s time for bed, I have a tough time falling asleep because my brain doesn’t shut up, forcing me to constantly worry over things that are out of my control.
As a child, I was very shy – I did make friends through school and sports, but I was always a more reserved and quiet kid. However, I don’t think it was as bad as it has gotten over the last few years. Once I left high school, I felt so alone and feared any interaction I had with another person.
I was told to “go out and talk to people” – that did nothing for me because my fear of being watched and judged ruled over my life. I was extremely self-conscious about myself in ways such as my physical appearance and personality. I lost contact with a few people I was close to because I allowed my social anxiety to take over – I isolated myself because I believed no one wanted to be around me.
My first two years of college at Brookdale were really tough – no one was around long enough to be friends with because it was community college. I loved my time at Brookdale, but I wish I could have had a more social experience there than I did. I also worked while I went to school, so that left minimal time for me to partake in any extracurriculars.
After I graduated from Brookdale in 2019 and transferred to Monmouth, I decided I wasn’t going to let my social anxiety take over anymore – I was going to do things that took me out of my comfort zone and made me happy.
I started writing for the student-run newspaper, The Outlook, as soon as school started. I still remember how freaked out I was to ask if I could write for them – I was on the verge of tears, texting my parents that I couldn’t do it out of fear of being rejected and judged. Eventually, I got up, went to their office, and submitted my application. Later on, I wrote plenty of articles for them that allowed me to feel more confident in myself and my writing, which I am so grateful for.
Once I got more accustomed to Monmouth, I realized it wasn’t so hard talking to people. I have interacted with and became friends with some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I thought it would be hard to make friends as a commuter student, but I have made a few, including my fellow Transfer Hawks that I met this semester through mentoring them.
Another pivotal moment for me to overcome my social anxiety is writing for Her Campus. I was extremely nervous about joining the group out of, of course, the fear of others judging me or rejecting my work. I have to say this is one of the best groups I have ever been a part of. Everyone is so kind and uplifting, and I couldn’t ask for anything more. Also, being able to publish a piece like this is incredible, and I am so thankful to have this experience in my life.
My time at Monmouth has taught me a lot and helped me get through my anxious thoughts. I have focused a lot of energy into creating the best version of myself. I have learned to not be afraid to step out of my comfort zone – it is better to embrace my fears as it has lessened my anxiety tremendously. The biggest lesson I’ve learned is to believe in myself; I have gained so much confidence that I lost and I couldn’t feel happier about it.
Overcoming my social anxiety is not something that is achieved overnight. It takes years to reach a place in life where you are confident in yourself and realize that other people aren’t judging you or looking at you.
I’ve worked so hard already, and it’s brought so much light into my life. I can’t wait to continue to grow into the woman I am destined to be – fearless and comfortable in my own skin.