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Ending an Official Connection

Freshman year I set my mind on not joining a sorority. I knew it wasn’t for me, I knew I wasn’t that person. When I met my first three friends down the hall, two of them were rushing in the spring. They wanted it so bad and I thought maybe it’s something to do since I am not sure how to get involved. I didn’t know the extent of a sorority but I knew that I’d probably meet new people. Basically, not even a week before recruitment was when I decided to sign up. I even debated on not going, but my cousins were in sororities and everyone from high school was already in one.

I thought this was the path for me, I thought it would change me for the better. Throughout the start, all was well. Obviously rushing was hell and honestly made me think: “WHAT AM I DOING!?” But, I stuck with it because I assumed that’s what everyone else was going through, but it seemed like it was all for nothing.

I was constantly on and off about if it is really worth the money and if I really needed to just be able to say “I’m in XYZ sorority.” Part of me felt like I would miss it and I went through recruitment and rushing for no reason. The other half of me didn’t want to be associated with some people, didn’t have the effort to keep pretending I liked it, and was tired of having to meet quota for points. I keep grabbing onto little parts and events that might have boost my “sisterhood” like recruitment or photoshoots, but it made me feel even more distant.

Sorority life wasn’t what I had hoped for at all. It ended up being small clicks of girls and those cliques clashed. I most likely could not fit into any of those cliques because I have nothing in common. Most stereotypical sorority girls like to get drunk, go to frats, hit on boys, and stay up late… which is expected. But I really did feel like, out of the whole sorority, they would have to be my people. In my eyes XYZ sorority wasn’t all about philanthropy and getting involved it was just who had the most points, events, or who liked the most. If you aren’t on e-board you honestly have no choice or decision in the sorority you are just another number and that may be true for all sororities.

I did find a few good friends from the sorority that I talk to almost daily and I’m thankful for that. And I do not hate Greek life, it just wasn’t for me. It is for someone who is dedicated to making sure they are included, always needing something to do, and have the time and effort to commit their lives to a sorority that completely comes to an end senior year. I can really only talk about my experience with my specific sorority and it may be different for anyone else.

I didn’t feel at home, I didn’t feel sisterhood and I didn’t feel anything. I was getting down on myself because I do not like to quit anything. I get crazy anxiety when put in situations when I have to choose over things I want to do and things that I have to/feel obligated to do.

So many things led up to this decision. Freshman year I changed my major to Graphic Design. I realized I needed to do something that I loved for the rest of my life instead of something that would make other people proud of me. Sophomore year I got a bf that made me realize I don’t need other people to make me happy. I need to do what will make me a better person. End of sophomore year I had a falling out with friends that I’ve had for almost eight years. Now I’ve realized I am better off without feeling put down or less. Now I focus on things that will be with me forever and make me happy, my art, my family, my bf, and friends that may come and go.

So, after a year and a half of being in XYZ sorority, I became disaffiliated. I had (and still do have) multiple friends supporting me and encouraging me. They all knew how hard of a decision this was. When I disaffiliated it felt like a weight off my shoulders to finally be able to be me. I didn’t have to worry about needing to go to a mandatory event over being with my family. And, no, I do not regret it, I regret that I didn’t do it sooner and I regret that I kept trying to make myself like it when I knew deep down inside I didn’t. I wish I had someone push me to make the commitment to leave instead of everyone telling me it’s fine.

I will never have to worry about being required to be the DD and miss large university events, buy $30 shirts that I will never wear, and do things I honestly didn’t want to do just because I felt bad. I might be looked down upon by some girls and some may not even remember who I am, but I did what is best for me and that is what matters the most.


I am a junior Graphic Design major at Monmouth University. I love crafts, photography, traveling, and my dogs. :)
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