“Congratulations! Where’s the ring?” This is the greeting I received from nearly everyone I came in contact with for about the first three weeks following my engagement. Once the excitement wore off, my response became less chipper as I stated, “don’t have one.”
Following puzzled looks came the explanation that I had taken initiative in publicly proposing to my boyfriend of 4.5 years. After that came mixed reactions. Some people were overjoyed. Some said, “That is so you.” Some scrunched their faces and replied, “I could never do something like that.”
No matter what response I received I couldn’t help but feel annoyed. My feminist background had me constantly aware that if my fiancé had proposed to me, he would not be receiving the same responses. I felt robbed.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I’d do it again in a heartbeat! I am totally pumped to get married and it just wasn’t in the cards for me to wait around for a traditional proposal.
I proposed on Saturday, Dec. 15. The Coffee Hag was hosting an open mic event called “Love’s Open Stage.” I thought to myself, this is the perfect opportunity! All my friends are here and I have a platform to be my obnoxious self!
I discretely told a friend about my plan so that I could record the moment on video. As I took to the stage, grabbing the microphone and giving my fiancé the shock of his life, everyone in the establishment gasped, following with a collective, “Awwww.”
A random photographer in the audience jumped up and began taking photos of us– not something I was expecting. After claps and cheers, Danny joined me on stage and said yes.
After we had taken our seats, Coffee Hag owner, Jenn Melby-Kelley, went to the microphone and congratulated us. She reminisced about her own wedding to Anna Melby-Kelly, which had also taken place on that stage. This was really amazing. She was joined by Laura Schultz, and they played a duet for us as the barista brought us cheesecakes with little hearts drawn in chocolate.
I couldn’t have pictured it going any better.
As I look back on this experience it is clear to me that some traditions are meant to be broken. The patriarchy is dependent on gender roles in which men are expected to take initiative in life-altering decisions.
Personally, I had to spend extra energy defending my decision to break traditional gender norms, which should have been spent celebrating. But traditions surrounding marriage are outdated and people have the right to challenge them. Some women want to propose to men. Other women want a “traditional” proposal. Some don’t want to get married at all – and that’s alright.