Now that the holiday season is upon us, it is also the time to start planning trips and buying tickets to go back home for the holidays. However, for some people, home is a tricky situation. In a household with separated parents, it is difficult to choose between the two for the holiday- especially if they live far apart.
As an adult, it has come to my attention that it is now my choice to choose between my parents for the holidays because I am the one visiting them. My parents divorced when I was eight years old, and every holiday since then has been legally divided between the two- up until now, that is. Right before I moved to college, my mom moved from California to her new home in Iowa; my home is still in California, as that is where I am from and that is where I have lived up until the point of moving to college. My dilemma is that I cannot be in two states at once.
This is often the dilemma for most children of divorced parents; there is a guilt that lurks in the background of these holiday plans. It is hard to not feel guilty when choosing one parent over the other for a holiday. After spending a whole life seeing both parents for the holidays, it is a tense transition while I am also adjusting to life on my own in college.
Every year, I spend Christmas Eve with my dad and his side of the family. We make lasagna and open gifts and have espresso and desserts. We usually play card games and spend the whole night chatting. On Christmas day we go to church and then I spend the day with my mom and my brother and we open gifts and make a pot roast with her. We spend our day with my mom relaxing and watching cliche Christmas movies.
This year, I will be with my dad for Christmas and it will be a different atmosphere on Christmas morning. I won’t wake up to the smell of my mom’s caramel rolls or the comfort that I will have two separate days devoted to both of my parents. The harsh reality is that I am walking over a bridge that slowly leads me into complete and utter adulthood.
Moving into college forced me to move on with my life and adapt to living without the help of my parents. My moving also forced my parents to adapt to new customs and traditions without everyone living in the same area. Although I will be rationing myself to my family this year, I can also take up the responsibility of carrying out our traditions. My memories of past holidays don’t have to completely disappear because my family is separated. I can make their traditions my own, and we can make new ones.
The holiday season is usually full of family chaos, but we still love and care for each other, no matter what the distance is. Growing up might be coming sooner than I would have preferred, but it just allows me more time to create something of my own during the season that I can pass down to my own family in the future.