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Struggling To Be Thankful in 2020, But Learning How To Be

2020, a year we will definitely never forget. From COVID-19 causing everything in our lives to be shut down, postponed, or moved online, it quickly became second nature for us to fall into a state of unhappiness and extended stress. We have been cooped up in our apartments or childhood homes, watching everything in the country and world go insane. When quarantine started, from there I was all over the place. From leaving NYC to go to NJ for a month, then flying back to Germany and spending the next few months with my parents, which wasn’t the worst and I love Germany, but it was still hard, and then moving to Florida in July. Within that month, we drove up to NYC to move me and my sister out of our little apartment. Going back to Florida, I was a wreck. Not only because I had truly moved out of the city that I call my home, but because I was going back to the state that I quickly grew to heavily dislike. We stayed for 3 months and they were not a good 3 months. I struggled with getting back together with my ex-boyfriend and then breaking up again, but this time for good, all the while being very unhappy with myself and how my life was going. It was hard for me to find things that made me happy and content with what I had at that time. I know a big part of it was the fact that I started my sophomore year online while there and it was just hard. All the moving around really took a toll on me too. I was never in a permanent situation during the past few months and I struggled with making a routine to get some stability in my life.

 When I had first gotten to Florida, I made a routine to try and stay sane, but it quickly faded away, and it became impossible to get back because of my lack of motivation. I was not in a good headspace for a while there, and I fully masked how I was feeling because I didn’t want to put any more stress or worry on my parents, who were already having a hard time looking for jobs and figuring out what we could do next with our lives. I turned to simple things to help me feel better, like positive tv shows, reading, and sitting out at the point, looking out at the ocean to clear my head and de-stress because I was so tense. Those were things I chose to be thankful for in that increasingly stressful time. I quickly realized after I started doing these things, that I had more to be thankful for than I truly thought in these past few months. When my parents finally told me the day we were going to leave for Florida, I was definitely thankful for that. We drove to Virginia Beach and stayed for a week, taking all the necessary COVID-19 precautions of course, and this was the nice break from stress and worry that we so desperately needed. I still had classes, but it wasn’t as stressful to do them there as it was before in Florida. Now we have ended up in New Jersey, staying with family. Nothing has changed yet on the job front for my dad, so we don’t have a house or apartment yet, but it’s ok. Sometimes things just don’t go your way, and we just have to roll with the punches. 

Through all of these hardships though, I have truly realized and learned that I have bigger things to be thankful for as a whole throughout these trying months. I was elected Editor-In-Chief of MMC’s The Monitor, and the weekly Friday meetings definitely always bring a ray of sunshine to my week. I have amazing best friends that I can talk to about anything and have been talking to more so in these times of increased connectivity. They always make me feel better and I could not be more thankful for them. I am healthy and surrounded by my loving family, who are also healthy during this terrifying global pandemic. One huge thing that I am also happy and thankful for is the fact that I am in New Jersey so I can venture into the city to see friends and especially go and look at possible apartments!! My best friend Averee and I are moving back to NYC in January and I could not be more thrilled. Thinking about these things makes me feel more positive, a feeling I definitely am clinging to right now. My mom actually sent me a quote the other day, “This is not the year to get everything you want. This is the year to appreciate everything you have,” and it could not be more true. 2020 gave me it’s worst, but I grew to adapt and focus on what is most important in my life. In a way, I’m sort of thankful for what has been thrown my way because I have become a more resilient, stronger, and independent person for it. 

 

Double Major in Digital Journalism & Cinema, Television & Emerging Media with a Minor in International Studies NYC I'm always asked where I'm from and my answer should just become "all over the place" because I have moved so many times.
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