I generally live my life in to do lists and dream boards, and I always love the new year, as it serves as a new chance to check in with myself and create new goals for the coming year. However, these resolutions began to become less reflective and more so a way that I could always start the year with the hope of accomplishment, and generally, end the year achieving whatever goal I had set for myself. For some reason, 2020 just did not feel like the year to do this.
I spent my midnight moment in a crowd of people, and simply enjoyed the moment instead of getting overly nostalgic. As someone who definitely gears towards this sensation, I have begun to realize that nostalgia really takes you out of the present moment, and not always in a good way. I didn’t go through the highs and lows of my year, not because it was bad, but because I didn’t feel a need to make these mental lists for myself. While reminiscing can be fun, it often makes me either grateful for the present moment, or makes me wish I could go back in time. Either way, it takes me out of where I currently am.
I think that this idea has been represented a lot in how I have handled my year. While I often get lost in ideas about success and achieving certain things to feel like I’ve lived a worthy life, I’ve begun tuning into the true moments in my life everyday, and letting those dictate how I feel. Being a part of it all and living with my world instead of fighting to get ahead of it has been really helpful for me in keeping anxiety and depression at bay. It has allowed me to be more honest in the work that I do, since I do not become limited by the perfectionistic ideas that usually tend to stem from my resolutions . It makes situations that are normally very stressful for me turn into moments where I can connect with the humans around me. Usually auditions stress me out, but I’ve started to keep myself in the present, meaning that I connect with the people with me in the room, focusing on the humanity that lives and breathes within the art that I create daily. It truly takes the stress out of daily living when you are able to find these reminders that you are not in this alone.
Additionally, I’ve started to voice my gratitude. This is something that I’ve always done in my journal, but it doesn’t do as much good to save this gratitude for once the moment has passed. I’ve begun to recognize those beautiful moments in my life, like a day where the Universe's timing is just flawless and you cannot help but be grateful for this moment in time that you were gifted. These moments are never derived from a grade or achievement, but from a perfectly aligned sun on a pretty city street or some birds chirping on a winter morning to remind me that there is still happiness to be derived from dreary winter days. In these moments, I stop to thank the Universe, because it reminds me that outside myself, there is a whole world to appreciate. I’ve also made sure to voice my gratitude towards the people that make my life lighter, because this is something that I often feel but do not voice.
I did not know how starting a year off without a resolution would impact the way that I have carried myself through 2020 so far, but I have really learned so much about myself and the ideal way to live through this exercise. While goals are nice, I’ve come to realize that love is better, and that I should center my life around this instead. The goals tend to come easier, and feel more meaningful when you lead with love. Love for the people around you, for the work that you do, and of course, for yourself and this beautiful world that we get to live in.