Out of all the things I have had to do in my life, giving myself the self-love I deserved was the hardest. It seemed that I focused on my flaws rather than my qualities. On social media, the positive messages overcrowded my newsfeed and often my final thought was “Why can’t I feel this way?” All of the images of “perfect” girls made me feel like I did not fit into the standards of society. The slogan “Love yourself” is not easy to live by, but once I started, the confidence came—and not in a conceited, I am in love with myself way. I am a humble person who, honestly, cannot stand the “I am better than you” attitude.
First, you have to not care how others see you. They will either like you for the person you are, or dislike you for reasons you cannot change. Often, the negative thoughts we have about ourselves tend to be false. For example, I am short and I would always feel apologetic for my height as if it were something I could control. It is important to realize the difference between what we can and cannot help. That is the first step to being carefree about others opinions.
Next, you have to do almost everything for yourself. I am not saying that you should not help people, but learn how to tend to your needs before you try to save the world. Do you want to go to college? Do it for your education. Do you want to have a career? Do it for your future. At the end of the day, it is your life that you will be stuck with. If you are not happy with it, then you cannot be pleased with the person that you are. Living for other people is where most regret comes from.
Finally, you need to rid yourself of anyone that is toxic. If you are emotionally drained, you will not be able to check in with yourself and see if you are okay. People who are toxic tend to require a lot of emotional support because they do not know how to fend for themselves. Instead of learning how to deal with their emotions, those people look for others to take on all of the emotional work. The saying “Too much of anything is a bad thing” is true—if you are constantly concerned about the needs of someone else, who might be demanding too much of your attention, you are not giving enough energy to yourself.
Of course practice makes perfect. Self-love is not something that someone accomplishes overnight. It can take months, or even years, to love the person you are. The takeaway is to not be a selfish individual, but allow yourself to care enough to where you can feel fulfilled with who you are.