We have probably all been in those situations: your friend is going through a hard time, you want to be there for them, but you aren’t quite sure how. It can be awkward, frustrating, and difficult to figure out the best things to say to comfort your friend. However, since our close friends mean a lot, it is important that we say the right things in order to maintain and not hurt our friendships. So, here are five tips for being a better, more supportive friend:
1. Listen.
Listening is such an important skill to have. Not only does it enable us to construct meaning from what our friend is saying, but when we truly engage, we show that we care. In an instance where a friend is looking for support, it is important that you specifically focus on how they are feeling at the present moment in order to grasp how they may be feeling about themselves and the situation they are in. A good way to be more present is to identify the key points of what they are saying.
2. Don’t judge.
While our friends generally do care about our opinions, when they are looking for support, judgment about their situation is probably not what they want to hear. When offering support, it is extremely important that we refrain from judgment because it can be hurtful and make a friend feel like he or she is not in a safe space to share how they are feeling. Putting yourself in their place and thinking about how you would feel if someone was judging you without taking the time to empathize and see things from your perspective is a great way to monitor yourself and determine how you should respond to your friend.
3. Don’t force advice.
Along with judgment, advice is not necessarily what a friend is looking for when in need of support. Quite often, people just need to hear themselves say things out loud, and it is helpful to know they have someone who will listen to them. Unless someone explicitly asks for advice, it is better not to give it because when they only want support, advice inherently tells them what to do. Instead of giving advice, continue to ask questions because questions allow your friend to continue and talk things out, and sometimes there is no solution for certain problems.
4. Be genuine.
This tip is very straightforward, but it is important to remember to be honest and truthful with your friends. They are friends with you for a reason, so there is never a need to lie. There is also no need to be apprehensive, because your friends trust you with what they are saying, otherwise they would not tell you. By being skillful, deliberate, and intentional in the way that we listen to our friends, we are able to sympathize or empathize with friends, and this enables us to be genuine in how we respond. Even when you disagree with friends, it is important that you still show them that you support them no matter what.
5. Express gratitude.
People in difficult situations often feel alone and may not see their value. So, showing your friends that you truly care about them by telling them how much appreciation you have for them is a great way to remind them of how important they are. In my opinion, we do not tell people how much we care about them enough. The little things we do for each other certainly help show our gratitude, but saying it is essential to remind friends that you are there for them.
Our relationships with our friends are extremely important for us to feel happy and fulfilled. In fact, relationships offer us most of the affection and inclusion we desire, so being there for our friends is an important way to maintain healthy relationships. Also, by showing support for our friends, it can be expected that they will also be there for us in times of need.