This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Mizzou chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

For when your whole world is falling apart.

In social work, a strengths-based perspective means focusing on what people already have going for them, what they’ve overcome and what they’re capable of. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me,” it encourages us to ask what we’re facing and what strengths we can use to get through it. As a social work student, my friends often ask me for relationship advice. Let me tell you, I am not great at relationships, but I am pretty good at finding people’s strengths.

Breakups tend to feel like the end of the world. You may be asking yourself a few things. “What did I do wrong? Why me? Am I just unlovable?” Now, I am not trying to give you any new ideas if none of these really came to mind. From previous experience, these are the things I usually say between sobs on the phone with my sister. For a good 24 hours, those are the only thoughts running through your head. I would love to tell you why those aren’t the questions you should be asking yourself.

What Should I Do First?

The first thing I always do is catch my breath. Sometimes you are crying until you can’t breathe; other times it feels like you have a rock in the bottom of your stomach. And sometimes a breath is the best solution. You are probably thinking, please shut up. Take. A. Breath.

The next thing I try to do is get home, put on comfy clothes and get into bed. Last Halloween, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me while I was in Lawrence, Kansas, at 3 a.m. I couldn’t drive back until the next morning, and that car ride felt awful. All I wanted was to get home and figure out what to do next.

Just get home. Your bed is calling your name; your ex is not.

Call Your Best Friend (Or Don’t)

It’s OK to not want to call your friends or mom. It’s OK to call them immediately. I know a lot of times I am embarrassed after a breakup. It has taken me days to tell my mom because I don’t want her to be disappointed. That is OK. Sometimes it is hard to come to terms with it that quickly.

It is up to you whether or not you want company or space. Having your friends around can always be a great distraction, but being alone can also just feel right. Don’t let anyone try to tell you otherwise. If you try too much too soon, you may just end up breaking down in the middle of a bar because the DJ just played their favorite artist.

One of the best post-breakup activities I can recommend is going to see a movie with your friends. You don’t have to talk; you’re with people who care about you and you’re distracted. Just try to make sure it isn’t a rom-com or anything with a relationship. Shoutout to my friends who took me to ‘Regretting You’ a day after I got cheated on. It was the thought that counts.

Put The Phone Down. Seriously.

Texting them will not help. It seriously never does. It is embarrassing. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it is not going to give you the reassurance you are looking for. I know how hard those first 24 hours can be and everything in you is telling you to send that “I miss you” text. Just put your phone down or give it to your roommate to hide from you.

Checking their location, stalking their TikTok reposts and wondering if they viewed your story will not help you either. All it does is keep bringing you back to something that is already hurting you. I know it is tempting to see what they are doing or whether they seem upset, but you do not need to keep checking to prove that you mattered to them.

You do not have to make them jealous, prove that you are doing better or post something just so they see it. You do not even have to pretend that you are OK. Right now, the goal is not to get a reaction out of your ex. It is to give yourself a little room to breathe without constantly being reminded of them.

Your peace is more important than whether they watch your story. Trust me on this one.

Stop Asking What is Wrong With You

You are going to survive this, whether it feels like it right now or not. Let’s ask ourselves: Were they emotionally immature? Was it just not the right time? Could it be distance or an age gap? Were my needs met? Did I feel respected?

You are not responsible for someone else’s decisions and you do not have to put yourself down to explain their behavior. You can recognize that a relationship wasn’t right for you without deciding that something is wrong with you.

Look at your strengths. You are making it one minute at a time, even if that means crying on the phone with your best friend or spending the entire day in bed. You are allowed to be upset and still be strong. Those two things can exist at the same time.

Instead of thinking about all the things you could have done differently to make someone stay, think about what you want to carry with you moving forward. Maybe you have learned more about your boundaries, what you need from a partner or what you will no longer settle for. You do not have to figure all of that out tonight, either.

You Do Not Have to Heal Tonight

Take a shower. Listen to some sad music. Maybe cry a little. Everything is not going to magically fix itself tonight, unfortunately.

You do not have to turn this into some big self-improvement moment. You do not need to get a gym membership, start a new hobby or suddenly become the best version of yourself. You just got your heart broken. You are allowed to be sad about it.

Order your favorite food, put on your comfiest pajamas and watch something that has absolutely nothing to do with love. If you need to cry over a picture of the two of you, cry. If you need to delete the pictures, do that too. There is no perfect way to get through a breakup, and you do not have to prove to anyone that you are handling it well.

There’s Always Tomorrow

I know that it probably does not feel like it right now, but there is a life waiting for you outside of this relationship. There are friends you have not made yet, places you have not been and versions of yourself you have not even met. I know that probably sounds dramatic when all you want to do is text the person you thought you would spend forever with, but it is true.

Tomorrow, you might still be sad. You might wake up and immediately remember everything that happened. You might even have another breakdown. Healing is not a straight line, and you do not have to wake up feeling completely fine just because a new day has started.

But you will get up. Eventually, you will laugh at something your friend says without feeling guilty about it. You will go a few hours without thinking about them. One day, you will realize that you made it through an entire day without feeling that same heaviness in your chest.

Now, put your phone down, get into bed and let tomorrow come when it comes.

The 24 Hours After a Breakup