I couldn’t have asked for a better or more fitting day to ponder my future and honor the past.
Humor me for a minute, and imagine someone, anyone, celebrating their 21st birthday. What do you picture? Confetti snowing from the ceiling? Party guests packed like sardines into a nighttime venue? Music blaring into the wee hours of the morning? Like Taylor Swift in “This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things,” can you hear the “bass beat rattling the chandelier?”
Birthdays, especially the milestone ones like 18 or 21, are expected to be outrageously extravagant events — and for good reason. Those birthdays symbolize growth into new adulthood, leaving behind childhood to embark upon a new leg of life’s journey. It can be exciting for some, but steeply daunting for others. Finding myself agreeing more with the latter, I decided to celebrate my 21st birthday with the one person who had been with me through it all: myself.
One of the best parts of my birthday was that I could do whatever I wanted, all day long. No reschedules, no rain checks and no last-minute no-shows because this time, I was showing up for myself.Â
I bought coffee and donuts and went to a horror movie at 10 a.m. just because I could. I ate dinner alone at a nice restaurant, something I had never done before. What better day is there to get outside of your comfort zone than on the first day of your next trip around the sun? It helps set the tone for how the next year will go. Prior to this birthday, I found myself waiting around a lot for other people to accompany me in order to do the things I wanted. I thought there was no point in having a nice meal without anyone to share it with, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. The “point” of eating at a table for one is that you’re the one who’s worth it.
Secondly, it was wonderful to just take a step back and relax. My birthday falls in late September, a time in which homework starts piling up, and trying to get more than three people in the same room at the same time feels like herding cats. I planned my week out so that I would have (close to) nothing on my to-do list. That way, I could enjoy my day stress-free. It’s during those endless weeks deep into the school year that we often forget to check in with ourselves, especially as individuals. My birthday was the perfect excuse to do so. No matter what time of year it is when yours comes around, treat your birthday like the special day it is and make a point to attend to your mental and physical well-being.
Most of all, I did a lot of thinking. I looked back on the first 20 years of my life and everything I did right, and what I could have done better. I thought about my goals for the future. Where would I like to be six months from now? A year? Five years? Those weren’t the only questions I had to grapple with. You’d be surprised at how often I was asked by my loved ones: What does it feel like to be 21? It threw me for a loop. I look forward to my birthday every year, but I did feel strange about it this time. For the most part, being 20 years old felt exactly like being 19, but turning 21 solidified in my mind that I was well and truly no longer a child. I am now in my twenties. That was a huge realization for me that I needed time to sit alone with. I needed to learn to be OK with the fact that I don’t know what the future holds, or what 21 will feel like. I found comfort in the fact that adjusting to adulthood is different for everyone, and my own 21st year on Earth will be completely unique to me. Birthdays can be joyous, but they can also come with a lot of complicated feelings about changing and getting older. I found that pondering what these feelings meant to me in the privacy of my own company brought me peace.
There’s an unfortunate stigma associated with spending your birthday alone, but I think it comes from well-meaning people who don’t understand that not everyone who is alone is lonely. I enjoy my solitude, and I’ve had some of my most meaningful memories and greatest revelations while in it. My 21st birthday was one of them.Â
If you’ve got a birthday coming up, or if you’d just like to take a mental pit stop, set a table for one and invite yourself to sit by dedicating the day to rest, reflection and giving yourself the love and gratitude that you deserve. You’ll never spend as much time with anyone as you will with yourself. Make sure that you’re in good company.